Whether
you were standing at the proverbial water cooler with your fellow
employees, or at a park play-date watching kids run and scream on the
play equipment, you've done it. You have told the story of something
awful or terribly hard that happened to you and then sighed, with
relief and a smile, when someone
else understood how
you felt.
It's
natural for us to want to commiserate about things that are tough.
Maybe that is why mommy blogs, and Facebook, and Pinterest all suck
us in. We want to have shared experiences. We share on all sorts of
subjects.
The
one I want to address now is parenting.
I have noticed an awful lot of articles with lists of things that
stink about parenting (for some reason we all love lists). Most talk
about the everyday things that are frustrating, and sometimes they
throw in that little abstract statement, "...but it's all worth
it" at the end. But they don't really convey why
it's worth it.
Everyone
understands that those articles are an exercise in stress relief.
Right? Maybe
not.
I
see articles with titles like, "Why I Will Never Be a Parent,"
and I wonder if parents are scaring
off the next generation of parents with
those sarcastic lists of why parenting stinks. So just to be clear to
all of you non-parents:
Parents
sometimes say these things because we are looking
for a little validation in
what can seem the mundane parts of parenting, just as you complain
about annoying parts of your job or difficult schoolwork.
There
are boring parts of everything in life, so please don't misinterpret
parents and believe that children are a horrible vortex of
stickiness, expense, and exhaustion. Many of you seem intimidated, or
even terrified of being parents. It's
really not that scary.
In
fact, parenting actually adds
to your character in
ways that are otherwise difficult to achieve. So in the interest of
settling your fears, and validating the countless wonderful families
out there, here are nine things that make it on the
parenting-stinks-lists, and why they can actually be really good for
you:
Baby
messes. The best way to learn to love someone is to serve them,
and babies give us that opportunity without questionplus they love
us back! We have the opportunity to fill another's needs when they
cannot do it themselves and experience what it is to be selfless.
When our parents are aging and need us to do for them what they once
did for us, we will be pros!
Add
to your character:Altruism(unselfish
concern for another)
Questions.
They believe we have
all the answers! "Why do people hit each other? Why should I be
honest? Why is the sky blue?" Now we get to really think about
human nature, morality, and maybe even do a little research to learn
something new. We can discuss philosophy, religion, and science with
someone who will hang on every word!
Add
to your character:Cognizance(thinking
and knowledge)
Field
trips and classrooms. This is when we get to see who the next
generation will be. We meet the peers of our children and realize
that they will be the people running the businesses, government, and
senior centers when we are old.
Now
is our chance to squeeze in some mini lessons on manners: "Remember
to say please when you ask for something;" "You two don't
agree? Well you are going to have to find a compromise;"
"Everybody watch out for your 'buddy' and keep each other safe!"
Add
to your character:Humanitarianism(contributing
to the human race)
Teenagers.
They can have a great sense of humor beyond the knock-knock jokes of
their early years and, if they trust you, they will share some
experiences that will bring you a smile — sometimes
accompanied by a groan.
It's
comforting for them to know you went through similar things and
survived to chuckle about it later. They are deciding who they will
become and we get to help guide them based on our experience as
teenagers.
Add
to your character:Empathy(experiencing
another's feelings)
Money.
It seems like a battle we can never win, but honestly, we're going
to spend that money regardless of if we have children. The issue
here is one of budgeting. What is the best use of our money and what
do we really need? We may have to pinch our pennies tighter, but we
also have little people that can't wait for us to pick them up and
pinch their cheeks.
Add
to your character:Prioritizing(choosing
what is most important to you)
Exhaustion.
We have been tired, but it won't last forever.
Adding
a new baby to our lives is like starting any new job. At first we
feel exhausted and overwhelmed all the time because it is all
something we have never done before. After a while we find a
comfortable place and can relax a little more.
You
may say, "But I can't quit this job if it's too hard!"
That's true. Sometimes our greatest triumphs come only after
conquering great challenges. The reward comes because we don't quit.
Add
to your character:Perseverance(doing
something even when it's hard)
Loss
of self. If all of my time is spent caring for children, then
who am I? This is one question that I have wrestled with. I tend to
think that as a parent, I have to put myself last.
But
that's not the way it is supposed to be. I can be a _______ (surfer,
writer, inventor, stylist) who also loves and cares for my children.
When we decide to take some time for ourselves, we will be able to
find it.
Add
to your character:Multi-tasking(doing
several things at once)
Evil
influences. Many fear the evil in the world, but rather than
trying to hide from it, we get to face it. Evil cannot live in the
light of day. It requires fear and secrets.
Loving
and building a generation of children who see good in the world and
relate to a Heavenly Father is the best way to make evil lose its
grasp. Giving one child a sense of purpose and unity with eternity
gives them power to bring joy to countless others.
Add
to your character:Hope
and Faith(believing
that right will win in the end even when it seems impossible)
Attitude.
We're not talking about the pouting, or the stink-eye. Yes, there is
that. What trumps all of that though, are the glimpses of our
child's soul that nobody else sees.
It
comes in a moment when our children truly knows we care about what
they do and how they feel. There is a connection and a sparkle in
their eyes that communicates directly to our hearts. It cannot be
described in writing or captured in any photograph. We hope you will
see and feel it.
Add
to your character:Compassion(a
loving heart)
There
are many more ways that parenting is good for you and will make you a
better person. So don't let those Facebook posts and articles scare
you. Parenting
is as much for you as it is for your children. Think
of it as a growing experience and an adventure. None of us are
perfect parents, but we love our kids. We do the best we can and are
better for it.
Amy Stevenson grew up in central California but ventured to Utah to receive a bachelor's degree
in human development from Brigham Young University. She has been using her degree every
day since then as a stay-at-home-mom to her son and three daughters.
She believes that parenting is more than telling children, "Be good!" It is about surrounding
ourselves with good things, and then acting in a way that reflects the good we have found. She
has always enjoyed discovering how people become who they are and has a blog where she
shares clean, good, uplifting ideas and resources for children and families in hopes of helping
them become their best selves.
Along with her husband and children she has lived in nine different cities in three states, which
has taught her that people are good everywhere and there is something to learn from every
experience. She and her family now live in Simi Valley, California -- and hope to stay there.
Amy serves as a ward missionary and teaches the gospel principles class.