"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
When
I was a little girl I was uncomfortable with the word “woman.”
I didn’t want to say it. I would substitute “lady”
or “girl” whenever I could. I felt the same way about the
word “purse,” and tried to avoid that word as well.
Maybe
it was because I didn’t want to grow up. Maybe I wanted to be
little and without the responsibilities that all women with purses
have. I didn’t have an explanation. I just did not want to be
called a woman or carry a purse.
I
am over that feeling now. I am in the final year of my thirties and
have a son that will be an adult in less than two years, so it’s
time. However, when several months ago I started to feel a strong
pull toward writing about womanhood, I felt an opposing pull telling
me not to.
Being
the mother of a teenage girl and boy, I find myself constantly
running into issues related to this topic of womanhood. There has
been a lot of discussion about modesty, controlling thoughts, body
image, and feminism among kids in our home, at school, church, and
online. I can’t help but think about them.
Girls
want to know if these things really matter and, if so, why. Even
though there are differing points of view and motivations behind our
beliefs regarding women, there are some core commonalities that all
women share.
Women
know there is more to modesty than keeping dirty thoughts out of
men’s minds.
Modesty
in dress, a topic that has made me cringe because of the debates it
begins, is really about respecting our bodies. We are to moderate
what we put on our bodies in much the same way we do with what we put
in them. We can still wear the pretty things, but the greater part of
what we wear should be nourishing to our spirits.
Modesty
would still be important if there were no men around to see. Modesty
is not dressing for others. It is dressing for you. It is being
humble and comfortable enough with who we are that there’s
no need to prove anything through our clothing (or lack of it.)
Dressing
to reflect our inner selves is wonderful. We can be comfortable as
well as stylish. It’s not comfortable to be tugging down a
short skirt or adjusting a plunging neckline. Wear things that will
not distract from fully experiencing and enjoying the day or special
event.
Women
want to feel good about their bodies.
Body
image has been skewed into the idea, “If I am proud of my body,
I should show it off.” Being proud of the beautiful bodies we
have been blessed with is right. Our bodies are the homes of our
souls so they are the most valuable thing we have. We protect the
things that are most valuable to us.
I
believe my family’s home is a beautiful place, but I don’t
constantly leave the house door open for anyone to walk in and look
around. If I did people would think it odd that I want to show it off
to strangers. Beauty is not magnified by flaunting. In fact, it is cheapened.
Women
want to be validated and valued.
Beginning
several decades ago, a movement arose with the stated goal that women
should be equal to men. This is a worthy and important goal as all of
Heavenly Father’s sons and daughters are equally valuable to
Him.
However,
over the years, this goal seems to have become skewed from a push for
equality into a push for sameness in all areas. Now, any that make
the claim that women and men are, and even should be, different in
some ways are ignored or opposed. Ironically, the movement begun to
empower women now sends a message that we must assess our value only
by comparing ourselves to men.
We
should not be the same. Women and men work together as complementary
parts of a whole. Don’t get me wrong — it is absolutely
important for women to be represented. We deserve, and should
continue to fight for, respect. However, this should not come at the
cost of denying men the respect they also deserve.
I
have thought about how I would like to celebrate being a woman and
about how I can teach my children to celebrate them. I wanted to find
a way to describe the beauty, character, and vitality of women
without degrading men. I found a word that encompasses the way I feel
and the way I hope all women view themselves.
Gratiae:
the personification of feminine beauty.
The
word is pronounced gray-shee-ee, and comes from Greek origins meaning
“graces.” The kind of graces that are God-given and are
waiting to be activated by us.
Gratiae
turns beauty from something we view into something we do.
We
can celebrate the beauty of womanhood by honoring our individual
graces and the graces of others. These graces are not manifested in
the same way for everyone. We are be unique. Some examples of these
graces are: courage, fun, divinity, thoughtfulness, creativity,
organization, nurturing, dignity, compassion, respect, and energy.
There are an infinite number of others, too.
If
we find our gratiae (graces), and honor them in the way we act, we
will naturally be modest, feel grateful for our bodies, and know that
we have value. That is true beauty.
It
has been said that the eyes are the window to the soul. When we look
into someone’s eyes we can see their potential and their
graces. Look into your own eyes and see what you find.
What
I learned is that I am beautiful because I am pensive and
compassionate.
Amy Stevenson grew up in central California but ventured to Utah to receive a bachelor's degree
in human development from Brigham Young University. She has been using her degree every
day since then as a stay-at-home-mom to her son and three daughters.
She believes that parenting is more than telling children, "Be good!" It is about surrounding
ourselves with good things, and then acting in a way that reflects the good we have found. She
has always enjoyed discovering how people become who they are and has a blog where she
shares clean, good, uplifting ideas and resources for children and families in hopes of helping
them become their best selves.
Along with her husband and children she has lived in nine different cities in three states, which
has taught her that people are good everywhere and there is something to learn from every
experience. She and her family now live in Simi Valley, California -- and hope to stay there.
Amy serves as a ward missionary and teaches the gospel principles class.