I
sit here wondering how many people put limitations on themselves
because they listen to the concerned people in the world.
When
I was really sick, people frequently told me that I couldn’t do
things. For 12 years I listened. I didn’t shake the boat.
Consequently, any confidence in my abilities and willingness to try
something slowly withered until I honestly believed that I couldn’t
do anything.
I
thought that no matter what I did, nothing would change. It’s
called “learned helplessness,” but I call it “living
pathetically.” I became so willing to listen to the
well-intentioned advice of those around me (determined to protect me
from getting more and more sick) that I began to believe everything
they said.
No,
I couldn’t do this; it might be too stressful. No, I’d
better not go there; it might bring up bad memories. No, I’d
better not try to continue my education; doing so would cause me to
become overwhelmed.
Anything
that might propel me forward would overwhelm me, and I’d end up
in the hospital or institution. Even the most supportive people in my
life became determined to discourage my efforts. I’d better not
try, because I could fail.
As
a young girl, my parents bought me a blue bike from a garage sale on
the way home from my grandparents’ house. It had big U-shaped
handlebars with a long, white banana seat. It was probably two or
three times the size of a kid’s bike; I could barely touch the
pedals with my toes, if I sat on the very front end of the seat. I
was thrilled.
My
father didn’t believe in training wheels. In the evenings,
after work, Dad ran up and down the cul-de-sac with me, holding my
bike upright by the back of the seat. I pedaled. He coaxed. I
pedaled. He cheered. I pedaled. He let go. I rode by myself, turned
to share in my excitement, realized he wasn’t there and
face-planted into the asphalt.
I
really don’t remember the details of that event, but I know it
was a significant one in my young life. Why? I got back on the bike.
I’m
sure it took additional reassuring, coaching and coaxing from dad,
but I can proudly say that today I enjoy riding a bike. I’ve
even been known to mountain bike. I rode a bike on my mission —
in a dress.
There’s
no way I could have done any of that, if my dad hadn’t
encouraged me to get back on that blasted bike after we dug the
grime, dirt and rocks from my scraped knees, hands, arms and face
during my first attempt to ride alone.
Living
with mental illness is much the same way. It can come on gradually or
suddenly, but however it manifests itself, the person with the mental
illness can and hopefully will find the coping skills and strategies
to live successfully. What’s vital is the encouragement from
self and others — people who kindly and lovingly help pick us
up, dust us off and encourage us to get back on our proverbial bike.
Not
allowing us the opportunity to stretch ourselves is like discouraging
us from even looking at or dreaming about riding that bike. Sure, the
bike might be too big at the moment, but that doesn’t mean we
won’t grow into it.
I
really like President Uctdorf’s talk, “You
Can Do It Now”
from last October’s conference. He illustrated my point
beautifully when he said, “There may be times in our lives when
rising up and continuing on may seem beyond our own ability.... Even
when we think we cannot rise up, there is still hope. And sometimes
we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say,
‘You can do it now!’”
For
those with mental illness, family members, leaders and providers,
wrapping people in bubble wrap so tightly that they cannot move,
doesn’t allow them to try new things, test the waters and see
what it’s like to move forward.
Yes,
we might fail. We might even fail miserably. But let me assure you,
there is some dignity in failure. At least it allows us the
opportunity to do a self evaluation and determine what might need to
be done to strengthen strengths and build upon abilities.
If
we can learn from something, is it really failing? President Uctdorf
continued, saying, “Our destiny is not determined by the number
of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust
ourselves off, and move forward.” That goes for anyone, not
just someone with mental illness.
After
all, who knows when you’ll see your dream bike at a garage
sale.
Sarah Price Hancock, a graduate of San Diego State University's rehabilitation
counseling Masters of Science program with a certificate psychiatric
rehabilitation.
Having embarked on her own journey with a mental health diagnosis, she is
passionate about psychiatric recovery. She enjoys working as a lector
for universities, training upcoming mental health professionals.
Sarah also enjoys sharing insights with peers working to strengthen
their "recovery toolbox." With proper support, Sarah
knows psychiatric recovery isn’t just possible — it’s
probable.
Born and raised in San Diego, California, Sarah served a Spanish-speaking
and ASL mission for the LDS Church in the Texas Dallas Mission. She
was graduated from Ricks College and BYU. Sarah currently resides in
San Diego and inherited four amazing children when she married the
man of her dreams in 2011. She loves writing, public speaking,
ceramics, jewelry-making and kite-flying — not necessarily in
that order.