Flat.
Most of you think flat describes a tire or a drive through the good
ol’ state of Kansas. However, when I think of flat, I think of
affect.
Affect
is a word that describes mood. Flat is not fun. Sometimes I feel
flat. Not happy, not sad, not excited, not scared, not interested,
not worried, not curious and not motivated. Just flat. It's weird
because life continues unwinding around me like the well-known roller
coaster everyone else experiences. At times I watch it all unfold
and think, Huh, shouldn't I be reacting to this situation
differently? It's as thorough nothing has an effect on my affect.
This
situation was especially difficult for me recently, with the passing
of my beloved father-in-law. It was difficult because although I love
him, I haven't had that cathartic release of emotions that comes from
mourning his absence.
You
might be thinking, well Sarah, we have the Plan of Salvation. And
yes, I have a firm testimony and know that my father-in-law is now
reunited with his parents and all those dear loved ones who have
passed before him. I'm sure they are having the biggest family
reunion and enjoying getting down and busy with all the
extracurricular activities involved in planning the Second Coming.
However,
there is something to be said about when the Lord commands us to
“mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need
of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9).
Flatness
can be caused for several reasons. It can be caused by certain mental
illnesses (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and major
depression, among others), or it can be caused by stabilizing
medication that reduces the effects of a variety of different
illnesses. Some antidepressants can cause flatness as well. Flat if
you do, flat if you don't.
Although
some people may think feeling flat is positive because moods aren’t
off the chart, the hard part of flatness is finding motivation. In
fact, it’s extremely difficult to find the motivation to find
motivation.
That
may seem redundant, but sadly it’s true. Without a healthy
desire to get out and do things, people who feel flat end up
isolating themselves and not participating in the activities around
them. What’s worse, the idea of participating in those
activities may not even occur to them.
You
might find a person experiencing flatness just sitting, staring at
the TV. In really bad cases you find him sitting and staring at the
wall. To others it looks like this flat person is a slothful, unwise
servant. You may say, “Well get up and get going! When I get
involved, I feel better about everything! Stop feeling flat!”
However, if it were that easy, no one would ever feel flat.
In
your heart of hearts, do you honestly think a person wants to feel
flat? That’s like volunteering to sit through life surrounded
by people who all sound like the monotone economics teacher from
Ferris
Bueller's Day Off.
Telling
someone who feels flat to pick himself up and get moving is the same
as if you were freezing, shivering, covered in goose bumps, with your
teeth chattering and I walked up to you, dripping with sweat pointing
at the sun and trying to convince you how hot you should feel. It
would avail nothing. You would probably need your temperature
checked.
Let’s
say your temperature was 103. No matter how hot I was, I would not be
able to convince you that your chills were a figment of your
imagination — and rightly so. They aren’t! Your body is
sick! Feeling flat frequently falls into the same category as feeling
like you’re the freezing person with a temperature. Just like
having a temperature, there are precautionary measures that need to
be pursued.
When
I feel flat I have to evaluate a number of things in my life before I
can take action. Am I getting enough sleep? Am I eating well? Am I
getting my exercise? Am I overwhelmed? Am I stressed? Do I need to
delegate a responsibility to someone else in order to rectify the
imbalance?
How
long has this flatness lasted? Do I need to talk to my doctor? Can a
medication change help this flat feeling?
Unfortunately,
not everyone self-evaluates. Some people who feel flat try other
means to rid themselves of this feeling. This is often the reason
behind people becoming involved in drugs or other dangerous
thrill-seeking behaviors. It’s not that they have a death wish;
it’s because they want to feel something.
I’ve
even been in situations where something snapped and I started crying,
and then felt grateful because at least I was feeling something. At
least I was human!
I
will never condone anything illegal or against the commandments, but
a part of me wonders what else I could do to shake this perpetual
feeling of flatness. Although it seems simple enough to for those who
don’t experience it, I truly wish it were that simple. Then I’d
be fine with feeling flat once in a while.
In
the meantime, maybe I’ll go skydiving. Want to come?
Sarah Price Hancock, a graduate of San Diego State University's rehabilitation
counseling Masters of Science program with a certificate psychiatric
rehabilitation.
Having embarked on her own journey with a mental health diagnosis, she is
passionate about psychiatric recovery. She enjoys working as a lector
for universities, training upcoming mental health professionals.
Sarah also enjoys sharing insights with peers working to strengthen
their "recovery toolbox." With proper support, Sarah
knows psychiatric recovery isn’t just possible — it’s
probable.
Born and raised in San Diego, California, Sarah served a Spanish-speaking
and ASL mission for the LDS Church in the Texas Dallas Mission. She
was graduated from Ricks College and BYU. Sarah currently resides in
San Diego and inherited four amazing children when she married the
man of her dreams in 2011. She loves writing, public speaking,
ceramics, jewelry-making and kite-flying — not necessarily in
that order.