I
work in Young Women, and I’ve noticed on many occasions that
the girls do not greet or sit with girls who are new, visiting or
sitting alone. Our Laurels in particular are old enough to notice and
reach out when they see someone new, and it frustrates me that they
don’t do it.
Do
you have any ideas about teaching them to be more sensitive to the
needs of others?
Answer:
Training
young women to do all the things associated with adult membership in
the Church is a main purpose of the Young Women program. Each class
has a presidency, for example, to plan activities and identify and
meet the needs of class members.
One
responsibility of all adult members, no matter what calling they
hold, is to notice and greet people who are new at church. It is the
way regular church-goers show they are glad to welcome into the ward
those people who are new, visiting or returning.
However,
approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation is not a
natural behavior for most people. It often requires deliberate effort
to look around a room, identify the strangers, approach the strangers
(all the while hoping you haven’t been introduced three times
already), introduce oneself and begin a conversation that shows
interest and caring without being nosy or overwhelming.
For
many people, this takes practice and repetition.
I
suggest, therefore, that you schedule an activity night on which you
teach the young women what to do when they enter a church meeting and
see someone new. The activity should have three parts: teaching,
demonstration and practice.
You
should start by explaining the importance of greeting people who are
new, and of sitting with them and helping them feel welcome. Remind
the young women how crummy it feels to sit alone and ignored in a
room of happily chatting people.
Then,
teach them how to welcome a new person. Give a prearranged
demonstration with another adult or girl. After you have answered any
questions, have the girls practice. Each girl should practice being
the new girl and the welcoming girl.
Specifically,
you might teach them to do four things.
One,
look around. When you arrive at sacrament meeting, you probably
look around to see if there is anyone there you do not know. You
should teach the young women to do the same when they walk into
Sunday school, seminary or Young Women.
As
they scan the room, they should look for four things: (1) girls they
do not recognize; (2) girls who are not usually at church; (3) girls
who are sitting alone; and (4) the absence of girls who usually come
but are missing today.
Two,
approach the person they have noticed and sit down next to her.
Sitting down will instantly make the new girl feel less alone and
less awkward. Also, no one will be looming over her. Your young woman
should smile and introduce herself to the new girl. For example,
“Hello, I’m Cornelia Hackel. Are you visiting today?”
Or, if she already knows the girl, say, “Hi, Irene. How are
you?”
If
the young woman has seen the girl before but cannot remember her
name, she has two choices. She can ask someone discreetly before
approaching the new girl, or she can sit down anyway and say, with an
apologetic but expectant look, “Hi. I’m Cornelia Hackle.
I know we’ve met before, and I’m sorry, but I can’t
remember your name.” Practice both approaches with the girls.
Both
girls in your demonstration should give their first and last names.
Giving your first and last name is the correct way to introduce
yourself, although only half the population seems to know it. If you
can teach your young women this skill, they are sure to impress a
future employer or in-law with it.
Three,
engage in conversation. The chattier girls in your class may know
how to start a conversation with a stranger. But some of them might
need instruction on appropriate topics and tactics for putting others
at ease.
Or,
you may have girls who are shy or reserved who need to learn the
skill of carrying on a conversation by asking questions (you might
suggest some common ones), and especially the trick of saying, “What
about you?” after answering a question.
Four,
introduce the girl to other people she does not know. Making
introductions is an underrated social skill. Teach the girls to call
over a friend and say, “Karen, this is Minnie Vandergelder. She
just moved here. Minnie, this is Karen Malloy. She goes to Yonkers
High, too.” Karen will sit down with Minnie and Cornelia, and
just like that, Minnie has two friends instead of one.
Finally,
point out to your young women that these skills also apply to
situations where they are the new girl. Whether or not anyone
approaches them, they now know how to approach someone, introduce
themselves and start a conversation.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.