Our family tries to have a regular
Family Home Evening. But without fail, after about two minutes, the
whole enterprise falls apart. The kids go nuts, no one listens to the
lesson, people are rolling around on the floor . . .
A two-minute Family Home Evening is
good enough, right?
Answer:
Absolutely. A two-minute Family Home
Evening is good enough. As long as it includes one thing: the
Welcome.
The Welcome, in my opinion, is the
most important part of Family Home Evening. It goes like this:
Whoever is conducting says, in a clear voice, “Welcome to
Family Home Evening. We’re especially glad to have Mom here
tonight. And Anna and Zack. Welcome, everybody, to Family Home
Evening.”
The Welcome is important for three
reasons. First, it gets people’s attention. It tells the
attendees, “We are at an official meeting. Pipe down, because
we’re going to sing and pray now.” Your children are
familiar with this format from their Sunday meetings, and a strong
Welcome will help you flow quickly into your opening song and prayer.
Second, it tells the family that you
are doing that thing they hear about at church all the time. If you
have a clear Welcome, then every time your family hears someone at
church say the words, “Family Home Evening,” they will
think, “We do that.” It will increase their feeling of
belonging and decrease any gap they feel between hearing and doing.
Third, once you’ve had the
Welcome and called the meeting to order, you, by definition, are
having Family Home Evening. You are where you are supposed to be and
doing what you are supposed to do. You are following the prophet’s
counsel and participating in a foundational church program. This is a
big win. You can pat yourself on the back. The words, “Welcome
to Family Home Evening” have just proved that you are a
full-fledged top performer, no matter what happens next.
Now, if you doubt that welcoming
your family is enough to make your Family Home Evening effective, let
me observe that I have never heard a talk in any general, stake or
ward meeting in which the effectiveness of Family Home Evening was
tied to the quality of each individual meeting. To the contrary,
consistency and repetition are most often cited as the keys to
success.
Let me also observe that I’ve
heard more than one speaker describe the disappointment of a young
mother who spent hours preparing an amazing, spiritual Family Home
Evening, only to have her dreams dashed on the rocks of childhood
disinterest. Most children (people?) are simply not interested in an
extended spiritual discussion on a Monday night. This is not a
problem. It’s reality, and you should plan for it.
Here are five more ways you can
plan for reality in Family Home Evening.
One, keep it short. You are clocking
in at two minutes, and good for you. It sounds like your children are
young (at least I hope so, if they are rolling on the floor), so I
would suggest that even if you make it through a song and a prayer,
you let seven minutes be your max. If your children are still engaged
and participating after seven minutes, end anyway and go out on a
high note. I imagine that a family of older children might have a
longer discussion, but as my own family’s max is about ten
minutes, I wouldn’t know.
Two, have a treat. If your children
know that participation in Family Home Evening is followed by
something fun, such as eating Oreos, playing sock golf or watching
cat videos, they will participate more willingly. But you have to
keep the lesson short enough for the treat to be worth it.
Three, make announcements.
Announcements acknowledge family members’ accomplishments and
prepare the family for upcoming events. For example, you can announce
that you are excited to hear Anna play “Over the Rainbow”
at her piano recital on Thursday evening and that Zack got twelve
runs in his t-ball game last Saturday. Announcements are a good time
for child participation. The children might want to announce an
upcoming field trip or holiday they are excited about.
Three, piggyback on Primary lessons.
Instead of reinventing the wheel every Family Home Evening, you might
revisit a lesson you or your child had at church on Sunday. This is
especially easy if your child brings home a handout, such as, “I
Am Thankful for Fish.” Have the child hold the picture of the
fish and, as a family, think of all the reasons you are thankful for
fish. Read a scripture about fish. Voila. You have just taught a
lesson and reinforced previous gospel learning.
Four, teach practical skills. There
are hundreds of useful things children need to learn. Pick one as the
subject of a short lesson. When my boys were small, for example, we
had a lesson called, “Our last name is Swindlehurst,” in
which we taught the boys to say their full names. Then, we practiced
saying “Swindlehurst” in an intelligible way. Other
lessons might include how to use the bathroom at someone else’s
home, memorizing your phone number, how to answer the phone when mom
is in the shower, what to do when your friend wants to play a game
that makes you uncomfortable, and how to politely refuse food you
don’t like at Grandma’s house.
Finally, and
I’m not sure how to put this, but don’t try too hard to
manufacture spiritual experiences. Most of life’s sweet
spiritual experiences come at unexpected times and in unexpected
ways. You can’t force them merely by preparing a “very
special” lesson or playing a “really spiritual”
song. And you can’t get frustrated with your family if they
don’t respond the way you’d like to your “neat”
plans.
Instead, welcome your family to a
Family Home Evening that you hope will be fairly enjoyable for
everyone. Your family will probably not make great spiritual strides
during those few and perhaps chaotic minutes, but you will be
together, which is the whole point of Family Home Evening.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.