I
don’t like attending Relief Society activities. It’s not
that I don’t like the people or appreciate the effort, but the
last thing I want to do in the evening or on the weekend is hang out
at church. I don’t need to make new friends, listen to a
speaker or make a do-dad. I need to spend time with my husband. My
mother, however, thinks I should go to Relief Society activities.
What do you think?
Answer:
I
think you should listen to your mother.
But
not because you are wrong when you say that you don’t need new
friends, information or do-dads. If you say that you already have
enough of these things, I believe you. I am also sympathetic to your
need to spend time with your husband. Husbands and wives need to
spend time together, and your family’s schedule or other
constraints may prevent you from attending weekend or evening
activities.
Further,
I understand completely if you just don’t feel like going to
activities, whether or not you have the time. Not every activity
sounds fun or enriching. And if you prefer to watch TV or do your
ironing instead of going out, I won’t argue with you.
However,
“Do I want to go?” is not the only question you should
ask yourself when a Relief Society activity has been scheduled.
Relief Society, like church in general, is not just about getting
your needs met. It is also about being part of a group that sustains
and fellowships its members.
Relief
Society activities are not mandatory (Handbook 2, section 9.4.2), but
they are vastly more successful when the women who can attend, do
attend.
Which
is why I think you should listen to your mother. You may not decide
to take her advice, but you should at least consider why she gave it,
as well as its substance. Mothers often know things from experience
that daughters have not yet discovered. It is good to ponder a
mother’s advice, even when you don’t feel inclined to
take it.
Perhaps
your mother gave you this advice because she sees you holding back
from being fully integrated in your ward and wants you to participate
more fully. She probably believes that both you and other members of
your ward would benefit from your attendance and participation.
So
the next time a Relief Society activity is announced, I think you
should consider several items in addition to whether the topic sounds
interesting to you.
First,
supporting the person in charge. Planning church activities is
not, in my opinion, an enviable assignment. Not only do you have to
plan something you hope will be useful and enjoyable to the members
of your organization, you have to wait around nervously to see if
anyone shows up. You are also, very often, treated to blunt criticism
of your efforts.
It
is therefore a kindness to the person in charge when you attend a
Relief Society activity, even if it does not sound like your cup of
tea. It is especially considerate to attend if the person in charge
is new to the ward or new to her calling. Your presence is a visible
expression of support for her.
Second,
helping your ward’s fellowship efforts. Relief Society
activities promote friendship and affection among the women in your
ward. For members who have just been baptized or who have just moved
into your ward, activities provide new social opportunities to
replace the ones they left behind.
For
long-time members, especially the women who work in Young Women and
Primary, activities provide an opportunity to refresh old
relationships and meet the new people in the ward. And for less
active members, activities can be a step towards regular attendance.
But
for all this effort to bear fruit, active women who are well
integrated into the ward must attend the activities and befriend
those women who are not well integrated. The Relief Society
presidency and committee cannot run the meeting and give the
class and sit next to each attendee. Therefore, the job of
extending individual attention to new, less active and visiting women
must be filled by other women who attend the meeting.
Do
not excuse yourself from this duty to fellowship by saying you are
not that important and that no one will notice if you are not there.
It is true that your absence may not be noticed, but that is not the
point. The point is that your presence will be noticed and greatly
appreciated, especially if you sit with or talk to a person you do
not know.
Third,
service. Even if the activity does not meet your needs, it
probably meets the needs of other women in the ward. You can help it
succeed, and thereby help those women, by attending.
If
you visit teach or are friends with a less-active woman, a woman who
is new to the ward or a woman who is too shy to go alone, you can
help her enjoy the activity by attending with her. You could offer to
drive a woman who would like to go, but who does not have a car or
who does not drive at night.
Finally,
a word about the inevitable handouts and do-dads that Relief Society
activities tend to produce. If these are neither useful nor enjoyable
to you, you don’t have to make, take or keep them.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.