"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
Editor's note: Cyndie Swindlehurst is swamped by life this
week, so it is only appropriate that we run a column that was
inspired by a reader who was also overwhelmed in a particular
situation. This column originally appeared on November 22, 2012.
See if you have ever found yourself in a similar moral quandary.
Question:
I am having a moral crisis.
Last week I made a frantic trip to a
large home improvement store to buy some supplies for a professional
job I am doing. I have already eaten a bunch of money on this job,
and I just want it to be over!
I found the items I needed and
then realized that I also needed six drywall screws. Just six. All I
could find were boxes of about a million drywall screws for $6.75. So
I asked a store employee if there were any smaller packages.
The
store employee looked up and down the aisle, then reached up and took
down a damaged box of drywall screws that was already open. He put
the box in front of me and said with a grin, "I'm not
looking!"
My better self told my frantic-in-a-hurry self
to just buy a whole box. But I was at the end of my rope, so I
counted out six drywall screws. Okay, nine drywall screws. Then the
employee told me to put them in my pocket.
So I did!
I went to the register, paid for the other items, and
left the store. I held my breath the whole time, expecting some
sort of burglar alarm to go off, but I got away clean.
Except
now I feel like a thief. I knew I should have bought the whole
box.
Do you think I am a thief? What should I
do?
Answer:
No,
I don't think you are a thief.
A store employee gave you
some screws and you accepted them. That is not a moral lapse. It is a
rational response to good customer service. If I were you, I would
feel lucky, not guilty.
So it's time to stop worrying about
the screws.
The intriguing question here is why, if you
didn't think you should, you took the screws in the first
place.
Perhaps you felt you needed to be nice to, and
therefore go along with, the employee who was being nice to you.
There are all sorts of problems with that reasoning. As Red Riding
Hood reminds us in Into
the Woods
after her rescue from the wolf, "Nice is different than
good!"
So, if you had wanted to pay for the screws,
but also to acknowledge the store employee's efforts on your behalf,
you might have cheerfully said, "Thank you. You know what? I
think I will buy the entire box."
Perhaps you accepted
the screws because you were stressed and frustrated and in a
hurry.
If accepting the screws had been an actual moral
lapse, stress would have been an unfortunate reason for committing
it. Understandable, in the sense that most people have made mistakes
while stressed. But still not right. And if a person is so stressed
that he routinely does things he regrets, he needs to adjust his
life.
So what should you do now?
Just this: the
next time you think you shouldn't do something, don't do it!
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.