I
am part of a new Relief Society presidency, and we need to revamp the
visiting teaching routes in our ward.
I’ve
heard of visiting teaching interviews, but we haven’t done
them. How do you do them? In person? On the phone? What topics do you
cover?
Any
suggestions?
Answer:
Visiting
teaching is a fantastic and flexible program. But even if you
approach it prayerfully (see Handbook 2, section 9.5.2), organizing
the visiting teaching in a ward can feel more like a game of
Whac-A-Mole than a spiritual experience. Just when you think you have
everything set, all assignments made, you get new information (move
ins, move outs, new jobs) that disrupts your carefully-made plan.
Therefore,
the best approach, in my opinion, is to gather in advance, before you
make any assignments, as much information as you can about the
sisters’ needs, schedules, transportation and capabilities.
This information will inform the inspiration you hope to have as you
make assignments.
I
like visiting teaching interviews as the way to gather that
information, the way to find out what is and is not working with your
current assignments.
Interviews
can be on the phone or in person. You could also use email, messaging
or text, but nuances are harder to identify and interpret in those
formats.
So
let’s imagine you are going to conduct an interview, either in
person or on the phone. You’ll need a current visiting teaching
report that tells you each sister’s assignment and her report
for the last three months, a complete Relief Society roster, and a
notebook and pen to take notes.
The
interview starts when you greet the sister. You’ll call her by
her first name or as Sister So-and-So, depending on your relationship
with her. Remember that some people are more comfortable being
called Sister So-and-So. If this person is your social friend, you
might also say that you are on “official Relief Society
business,” to distinguish this conversation from your usual
conversations.
First,
ask how she is. You are on a mission, but you cannot forgo the
niceties of conversation; they show that you care about her. So if
you know something that is happening in her life, ask about it. How
is her hand healing? How is Junior’s new school working out?
Congratulations on her new job. How is her missionary?
Second,
ask if she has a few minutes to talk about visiting teaching. This
introduces your topic, but also expresses respect for her time. If
you are calling her, she may be on break at work or in line at Aldi,
and need to talk later. Explain briefly that you are talking to all
of the sisters in your ward about their visiting teaching routes.
This lets her know that you are not singling her out.
Third,
tell her what you have recorded as her route. “I see you
and Tam Ma are companions, and that you visit Cecily Powers and
Catherine Greatheart. Is that right?” You might be surprised to
find that she believes she has an entirely different route.
If
you discover that a fair number of your sisters do not know who they
are assigned visit, you will know that you have either a
record-keeping or a communication problem to solve.
Fourth,
ask about her companion. Are they able to make appointments and
go on visits together? Or has one sister been doing all the work? Or
perhaps each goes alone to visit some of the sisters on their list.
This
is not necessarily a problem — sisters are assigned to visit in
companionships of two where possible. Section 9.5.2. But if
they are not able to visit together, ask why.
Is
it a scheduling problem? A transportation problem? A personal issue?
Is it just faster and easier to split the route between them? If she
does not have a companion, ask if that arrangement is intentional and
if it works well.
As
you talk with her, remember that your goal is (1) to build a
relationship with this sister, (2) to express appreciation for what
she has been able to accomplish, and (3) to gather information that
will help you make future assignments. Remember that as she talks to
you, this sister is trusting you with her concerns and perhaps with
her weaknesses. Tread lightly.
Fifth,
ask about the sisters she visits. Usually, “I see you visit
Catherine,” is enough to start the conversation. “Are you
able to visit Cecily?” is another easy opener.
Ask
how long she has visited each sister. Sisters rely on trusted,
long-term visiting teachers, and you disrupt those relationships at
your peril. Maybe I’m being overly dramatic, but if you break
up a route that has been working smoothly for five or fifteen or
thirty-five years, you’re going to hear about it.
You
may want to change the route, but you should first consider the
effects of disrupting not only a schedule that works, but a support
system. Sisters are much more likely to call a long-term visiting
teacher than a brand new one when they are in need. And a long-term
visiting teacher will see issues and needs that a newbie will not,
and is more likely to know what to do (or not do) about them.
If
the sister’s route is not working, find out why. There are
realities of scheduling, distance, transportation, physical ability,
mental ability, allergies and stamina that you cannot change.
Further, a sister with a demanding calling, a busy job or heavy
caretaking responsibilities may need a lighter visiting teaching
assignment.
If
the sister tells you she just can’t do her visiting teaching,
ask what you can do to help her — even if you see no reason why
she can’t make her visits. She will probably have a concrete
suggestion, and you should listen to her. Even if you cannot do what
she suggests, you may have an alternate idea.
Remember
that you want her to feel successful in her visiting teaching;
feeling successful will give her a personal boost, and perhaps (if
they are lacking) the confidence or willingness to take on a larger
assignment some day.
Sixth,
ask questions. You need to know when this sister is available,
how much driving she can do, whether she feels comfortable calling
strangers or chasing down long-unknown names on the roster (some
people really don’t mind doing this — you need to find
those intrepid souls and use them), or whether she’s willing to
visit seventeen people as long as there’s not much driving or
drama involved.
I’m
not saying you should only craft visiting teaching assignments to fit
a sister’s strengths, but knowing a sister’s strengths is
a good place to start.
Seventh,
the Handbook directs that special attention be given to “sisters
coming into Relief Society from Young Women, single sisters, new ward
members, recent converts, newly married sisters, less-active members,
and others with special needs.” Section 9.5.2. That sounds
like half the ward, doesn’t it?
Visiting
teaching interviews will give you insight about who would be a good
visiting teacher to sisters who need special attention.
I
also suggest that when you give someone a special assignment, such as
being companions with a new member, you present it personally.
Describe the special circumstances and any special instructions,
express confidence in her abilities, and adjust her expectations as
necessary.
Eighth,
ask about her visiting teacher. Does she come? How long has she
been assigned? Do their schedules work together? If she tells you
that she loves her visiting teacher and can’t do without her,
listen up. It is not your job to teach her to be flexible. Nor is it
fair to take away an active sister’s faithful visiting teacher
because someone else “needs a visit more than she does.”
Fully
active sisters need visiting teachers, too, often as desperately as
the sisters whose needs are most obvious. Remember that “In the
quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can’t see.”
Lord, I Would Follow Thee, Hymns, 220.
Finally,
some of these interviews will last four minutes. Others will last
twenty. They may be exhausting. But as you sit down with your
presidency to make visiting teaching assignments, your notes of these
conversations will help you make better assignments.
Because
although you are the Relief Society presidency, the sisters in your
Relief Society know a lot more about the sisters collectively than
you and your presidency do alone.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.