"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
I
think it is important for children to help around the house, and my
kids are good helpers.
But my husband does not want them to
help with the laundry. He thinks they will mess it up. I think he is
being ridiculous.
This has turned into a serious disagreement.
Who is right?
Answer:
Well, I think the
answer depends on who does the laundry at your house.
Children
are clearly able to help with the laundry. They can sort,
load, fold, and hang. They can progress to measuring soap, turning on
the machine, and ironing. Sure, they will make mistakes. But adults
make laundry mistakes, too.
But
that’s not the issue here. Your real question is whether one
spouse can demand that the other spouse do a chore a certain way.
The
answer is no.
A good rule of thumb for household tasks is that
the person doing the task gets to do it his way. The only requirement
is that the method must actually result in the chore being fully and
properly completed.
So if I want to iron the sheets as well
as the shirts, I get to do so. If my husband wants to wash the dishes
one-handed while he watches Top Gear on his iPad, he gets to do so.
If my son wants to mow the lawn in a crazy pattern or no pattern at
all, he gets to do so. If my smaller son wants to pick up his toys by
arranging them into a tableau, he gets to do so.
The
non-chore-doing family members will refrain from any criticism and
express only gratitude that the chore was done. They will not gripe
that the task took too long or was performed inefficiently. They will
remember that the task-doer’s time is his own, and if he wishes
to prolong his chore, he is free to do so.
So
in your case, if you do the laundry and you want the children to
help, then the children get to help. But if your husband does the
laundry and does not want the children's help, he gets to exclude
them from the task.
One
more thing. If you know it causes your husband worry or distress to
think of his clothes being laundered by children, just be sweet and
do them yourself, as a special gift to him. And tell him sincerely
it’s because you love him.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.
