"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
Men in Black 3: Together Again, For the First Time
by Andrew E. Lindsay
It's been 15 years since Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith first got together to save the world from
aliens. They reunited in 2002 for a not-so-inspired sequel that was more of a rehashing of the original
gruel than it was anything new or inventive.
Skip another decade and dust off the franchise for another go-round, and, just to keep the math
complicated, have the bulk of the story take place 43 years ago. So, Men in Black times three
installments divided by 15 years equals 1969 to 2012.
OK, if that's all a little confusing, I apologize. Math is not my strong point. You could always travel
back in time to my high school algebra class and tutor me, causing my future to be altered, so I could
become a brilliant mathematician. Actually, I'd rather if you didn't, because I'm really not that fond of
math, and I'd hate to risk ripping a big hole in the time/space continuum for something I don't really
care about in the first place. If we're going to time-travel and change the course of history, let's have it
be for something really important, like stopping disco music from becoming popular, or beating up the
guy who invented neckties.
Of course, time travel is a silly concept and could never actually work. Which is apparently why we
seem to love movies that involve time travel so much that every couple of years we make a few more.
All of them have gaping holes in them, all of them are, on some level, ridiculous, and all of them seem
bent on using the device in a way that isn't supposed to be ridiculous and will sew up all of the holes. It
never works out that way, but they keep making the movies and we keep watching them.
The only possible exception to that is, in case you're wondering, an extremely funny short film called
Time Freak. It was nominated for an Oscar in 2012 but didn't win, but you can find it on iTunes and
download it for a nominal fee. Seriously, this is the best time-travel movie I've ever seen, and if you buy
the download and are not completely satisfied, I will personally go back in time and stop you from
watching it in the first place by re-writing this column without mentioning it, effectively giving you a
refund.
Men in Black was an exciting and often amusing movie, surprising us with just how close we brush with
aliens every day, and making us grateful that the men in black are out there doing their job. Men in
Black II forgot, as many sequels seem to do, that plot was paramount. Director Barry Sonnenfeld
seemed content to play off of sight gags and rely on schtick to sell the goods. Sadly, there were no
goods, just a series of jokes with some familiar characters in some familiar situations but nothing to
write home about. It almost seemed like the whole movie could've been stuck on the first DVD in the
"deleted scenes" section.
So now we know that the period of penance for making a lousy sequel is apparently ten years, and
Sonnenfeld has sufficiently repented to bring us a much more worthy follow-up in the form of Men in
Black 3.
The movie starts with a rather creepy alien called Boris the Animal escaping from a maximum security
prison on the moon, Lunarmax. He was originally incarcerated there by Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones)
back in 1969, and the arresting altercation also cost Boris his left arm. It was also at that time that K
deployed a protective shield around the Earth (ArcNet) which has heretofore protected all of humanity
from the Bogladites, of which Boris is now the sole surviving species representative.
Boris has had four decades to plot his revenge, and breaking out of prison is just the first step in his
diabolical plan to have the Bogladites invade and destroy the Earth. Step two is going back in time to
1969. Step three is killing Agent K before he a) cuts off Boris's arm, b) kills Boris, and c) deploys the
ArcNet. Meanwhile, Agents J (Will Smith) and K are up to their usual oil-and-water partnership
routine, except that they have to attend the funeral of their former director, Z.
K delivers the eulogy, a flatline presentation so short and devoid of emotion it surprises even J, who has
grown quite accustomed to his curmudgeonly companion's mannerisms over the years. This leads to a
bit of an argument between the two, and later that evening they have an abbreviated phone
conversation that ends with J hanging up on K when K can offer no explanation for his sour outlook on
life.
At about the same time, Boris the Animal manages to check off step two of the evil plan and travels
back in time to Coney Island in 1969. J is at first unaware that anything wonky is going on until he
drops in at K's apartment to find it occupied by a young family. Arriving at work, no one seems to
know anything about K and all seem a little concerned by J's bizarre behavior. The new director, O
(played by Emma Thompson), explains to J that K died in 1969 at the hands of Boris the Animal.
Then, because of J's sudden craving for chocolate milk, O correctly deduces that someone has
fractured the time/space continuum. This, then, leads J to follow Boris the Animal's tracks to an
electronics store, where he manages to obtain a time-traveling device that allows him to jump back to
1969 by jumping off the Chrysler Building, arriving 24 hours before Boris.
J manages to catch up to Boris, but is apprehended instead by a very young Agent K, played by Josh
Brolin, whose dead-pan, dead-on characterization of Tommy Lee Jones is remarkable and hugely
entertaining. K is naturally distrustful of J, and almost neuralyzes him before J finally convinces him that
he is from the future and he's come back in time to save the world.
The pair's subsequent adventure is fun and often funny as they race against time, literally, to try and
catch both the two-armed Boris and the one-armed Boris before they can realize their very bad alien
plans. J is amazed and amused by how much more jovial and likable his partner is as a young man,
often wondering aloud, "What happened to you?"
The answer to that question is actually a crucial plot point that I will not reveal in this review, as it would
require my revealing the ending in its entirety, and that would suck a great deal of the sweet sticky off
the cinematic lollipop.
MIB-3 is a good film that deserves to be seen as the true follow-up to the first film. Skip number two
entirely. You might think this is a kids' film because of the funny aliens and such, but it is definitely not
for little folk. Besides a few sort-of-scary moments, the language is not geared for sensitive ears, and
there is more swearing in this one than in either of its predecessors.
It has many of the sensibilities of the first film that made it fun and exciting, but it also has a sweet
backstory that makes the relationship between J and K more than it has been. In a story seemingly all
about aliens, it is ultimately our heroes' humanity that makes this movie worth watching.
Andy Lindsay can frequently be overheard engaged in conversations that consist entirely of repeating lines of dialogue from movies, a genetic disorder he has passed on to his four children and one which his wife tolerates but rarely understands. When Andy's not watching a movie he's probably talking about a movie or thinking about a movie.
Or, because his family likes to eat on a somewhat regular basis, he just might be working on producing a TV commercial or a documentary or a corporate video or a short film. His production company is Barking Shark Creative, and you can check out his work here www.barkingshark.com.
Andy grew up in Frederick, Maryland, but migrated south to North Carolina where he met his wife, Deborah, who wasn't his wife then but later agreed to take the job. Their children were all born and raised in Greensboro, but are in various stages of growing up and running away.
Andy (or Anziano Lindsay, as he was known then) served a full-time mission for the Church in Italy, and today he teaches Sunday School, works with the Scouts, and is the Stake Video Historian.