My
roommate in my second year of college was a simple person, in the
best sense of the word. There were six of us, living in an on-campus
apartment. My ‘immediate’ roommate, as the six of us
were paired off into three bedrooms, was the only active member in
her family, and she had had to deal with some very real challenges.
Her only sibling was a brother diagnosed with a serious mental
illness, and her parents’ marriage was empty; they lived under
the same roof, but as separate and emotionally distant residents.
Unlike
my large, fully active family, she had had to go to church alone and
figure out her own course. Her coping method and troubleshooting
approach was simple: prayer. She was pure, direct, humble, and
trusting in her approach to her Heavenly Father. She was a quiet
person, and I did not know her really well before that year. Asking
her if she would like to go in with me into this apartment -- it was
a coveted spot, and we all had to request each other and be requested
in turn by the one girl who was returning -- turned out to be a
wonderful choice. I wish I knew where she was now.
As
we became close friends through the year, one thing frequently made
me wonder. When Pat prayed, how did she get such detailed answers?
Counsel she had gained before, which brought her to where she was at
school, and carried her through her family problems. Guidance for
the questions I was an eyewitness to. How did she know so much from
her seekings?
I
had a testimony of the restored gospel, and I knew that my prayers
were answered. The first question I earnestly prayed over, realizing
that I could not see, for myself, all the results of my choice, was
where I should go to school. The answer I received was clear and
dumbfounding: “If you go to [my first choice] you will marry
the wrong man.” What? Me, the wallflower, who didn’t
have a single date until the summer after graduation? I didn’t
understand, but I was obediently at the University of Utah (where I
met my husband three weeks later -- though it took time to realize
that he was that answer).
So
that was once that I had had a clear answer at a very specific level.
Otherwise, I had nudges, promptings, feelings that drew me in a
certain direction and proved to be for a reason. I did experience
that guidance. I trusted it and was grateful. But Pat seemed to
receive long paragraphs while I felt like I had jots and notes. I
had to conclude that she had learned how to listen, and her example
made me strive to be a better spiritual listener.
I
later came upon an analogy, through a new technology now obsolete.
In
the days before all the world went digital, there were cameras that
worked on physical film, developed by chemical processes. No one
would have imagined any other kind. There were two basic types, the
kind where you took the requisite number of exposures and then
dropped it off at a store (unless you had your own darkroom), and
then there were Polariod Instant Cameras, which gave you immediate
pictures, one at a time. The ones I was familiar with (we didn’t
have one, but friends did) took pictures in black and white, with
film packs that loaded and then, when you took your picture, you
pulled one square out of the camera. The film had a plastic cover
which could not be disturbed until you counted the proper amount of
time, then carefully peeled off the top layer, leaving an actual
picture, right then and there, in your hand. Cool! With no
negative, that one copy was it, but you didn’t have to wait for
it.
Then,
a brand new camera debuted. The Polaroid SX-70 took color pictures,
and when you pulled the sheet out of the camera, it didn’t have
a timed cover to remove; it was one layer, and you could sit and look
at it develop. It was amazing, to gaze intently and see the first
hints of color and shape form, then the image, blurry but
discernible, and then watch it coming into clear focus until the
process was complete, with the passage of several minutes. Right
before your very eyes, as they said.
I
mused to myself that this was a lot like listening for our answers
when we seek our Father in Heaven. The first time someone was
showing off his new SX-70 in our group, at a church activity, we all
gathered around, craning our necks to see as the picture took shape.
We certainly weren’t going to look at the piece of film first
pulled out of the camera, say in disappointment that nothing was
really there, and go off somewhere else.
No,
we oohed and aahed over a developing process that was completely new
to us. We knew we had to continue to watch, or we had to return to
see the final result; it wasn’t going to be complete in the
snap of our fingers.
So
why do we rush off so fast in our prayers? We often wrap up our
concerns in a nice bundle—or grab them up every which way in a
panic-- and deposit them on the divine doorstep without sticking
around to see if we can come in. He will open that door for us when
we are ready. Maybe we run down our automatic lists and call it
good, and wonder why we feel restless and still anxious.
I
imagine my Father in Heaven offering me an answer, ready to help
me---and I understand the first bit, or the beginning of the picture
he’s forming for me, say, “Got it!” and hurry off,
leaving him calling after me, “Wait—I wasn’t
finished yet!” I have come back after messing up the works as
I acted on incomplete information, and, more humbly, taken the time
to listen and ask the follow-ups in order to fully understand.
Sometimes I need to let the issues rest in my mind for a while,
letting the development of the image (my comprehension, the things
that connect) come to its full clarity.
As
my sophomore roommate had learned early, seeking
brings the promise that we will find, without fail, but it’s a
much more involved verb than just requesting. It’s searching,
a more
intense intent, and suggests a persevering effort, including the work
of listening. It might turn out that there’s a lot your Father
would like to tell you.
Marian J. Stoddard was born in Washington, D.C., and grew up in its Maryland suburbs. Her
father grew up in Carson City, Nevada, and her mother in Salt Lake City, so she was always
partly a Westerner at heart, and she ended up raising her family in Washington State. Her family
took road trips all over the United States and Canada, so there were lots of adventures.
The adventures of music, literature, and art were also valued and pursued. Playing tourist always
included the local museums as well as historical sites and places of natural beauty. Discussions
at home, around the dinner table or working in the kitchen, could cover politics, philosophy, or
poetry, with the perspective of the gospel underlying all. Words and ideas, and testimony and
service, were the family currency.
Marian graduated from Winston Churchill High School in Potomac, Maryland, and attended the
University of Utah as the recipient of the Ralph Hardy Memorial Scholarship, where she was
graduated with honors, receiving a B.A. in English. She also met the love of her life, a law
student, three weeks after her arrival; she jokes that she had to marry him because her mother
always wanted a tenor in the family. (She sings second soprano.) They were married two years
later and have six children and six grandchildren (so far). She treasures her family, her friends,
and her opportunities to serve.
Visit Marian at her blog, greaterthansparrows. You can contact her at
bloggermarian@gmail.com.
Marian and her husband live in Tacoma, Washington. Together they teach those who are
preparing to go to the temple for the first time, and she also teaches a Stake Relief Society
Institute class.