In
my last column
I wrote about how, with our limited mortal vision, we have a hard
time seeing ourselves truly. Often we either overestimate or
underestimate our capabilities.
If
we have blind spots about ourselves, our blind spots are often worse
regarding other people. We at least have some insight into our own
thoughts, feelings, and motivations. But when it comes to others, we
often have only outward appearances and actions to go by. And oh the
wrong judgments we make, thinking all the time that we’re
seeing others clearly.
In
Letters to an American Lady,
C. S. Lewis exclaims, “How deceptive the smooth surface of life
is!” One way we misjudge others is to look at their “smooth
surface” and conclude that they have an easier lot in life than
ours — that they have both more blessings and fewer trials than
we do.
Writing
almost 600 years after Nephi came to the promised land, another
Nephi, son of Nephi, lamented, “Oh, that I could have had my
days in the days when my father Nephi first came out of the land of
Jerusalem ... then were his people easy to be entreated, firm to keep
the commandments of God, and slow to be led to do iniquity.”
(Helaman 7:7)
Wait
a second. That doesn’t quite sound like the way Nephi, son of
Lehi, described things: “Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow
to remember the Lord your God,” he said of his brothers who
tried to kill him (1 Nephi 17:45). At one point he was forced to flee
for his life (2 Nephi 5:1-6).
Afterward,
Jacob was compelled several times to speak plainly to the people
regarding their sins (2 Nephi 9:47, Jacob 2:5). And within 40 years
of leaving Jerusalem, they had “already had wars and
contentions with their brethren.” (2 Nephi 5:35.)
The
reality was no doubt a mix of both perspectives, but things “back
then” probably seemed better to Nephi, son of Nephi, because he
was seeing a “smooth surface” from a distance.
Another
way we misjudge people is to attribute malice — intentional
unkindness — to them when in reality they’re just
defending themselves or sticking to what they feel is right. When
someone does something we’re tempted to judge as malicious, Ron MacMillan
suggests asking ourselves, “Why would a reasonable, rational,
and decent person behave this way?”
The
answer can change our perspective, because we tend not to
think that way about someone who has slighted or offended us.
So
what’s the solution to our blindness toward others? It’s
the same as the solution for our self-blindness: turn to the Lord,
the One who sees “things as they really are.” (Jacob
4:13). He entreats us, “Judge not according to the appearance,
but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24) The only way we can
do this is by asking Him to help us see others as He sees them.
Most
of all, we need to ask Him to help us love others as He loves them.
“Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may
be filled with this love” — referring to charity, the
pure love of Christ. (Moroni 7:48). Only when we see others as the
Lord does, and love them as He does, can we see them truly.
Kathryn Grant is a user assistance professional with a passion
for usability and process
improvement. She also loves family history and enjoys the challenge and
reward of building her family tree.
As a child, she lived outside the United States for four years because of her father's job. This experience fueled her natural love of words and language, and also taught her to appreciate other cultures.
Kathryn values gratitude, teaching, learning, differences, and unity. She loves looking at star-filled skies, reading mind-stretching books, listening to contemporary Christian music, attending the temple, and eating fresh raspberries.
Kathryn teaches Sunday family history classes at the BYU Family History Library, and presents frequently at family history events. For more information, visit her Family History Learning Resources page