Let’s
face it: sometimes we make decisions as parents that launch a series
of events we never could have seen coming, and had we anticipated the
sequence of events we likely would have chosen a different course.
Maybe
we buy a daughter some nail polish she wasn’t quite old enough
to appreciate, and the only thing wearing the new shade of cotton
candy sparkle is the carpeting, or perhaps we register a child for an
extra-curricular activity and then spend the next few months cursing
the time and energy spent on something he or she despises.
Or
maybe we tell our son at the end of fourth grade that yes, he can go
ahead and enter his name into a drawing to “win” one of
12 crayfish the class had been studying that subsequently need to
find new homes.
“Yes…”
just one simple word of acquiescence.
I
said “yes,” figuring we’d deal with it if he
actually won one of the little creepy crawlies.
His
voice at the end of the drawing day gave it all away immediately. We
were the proud new owners of a small freshwater crustacean. You’d
have thought we won the Powerball. But the odds were probably more in
our favor in the crayfish drawing, and now I’m wondering how
many parents really agreed to the possibility of taking one home.
Heck, I wonder if there really even was a drawing.
We
hauled out the old fish tank that once housed Blueberry the Betta
fish until he went to that great fish tank in the sky, our son made a
cozy little crustacean home, and “Lord Crayfish” settled
in.
I
figured it would live for a few days, maybe a few weeks.
Imagine
my surprise when my son announced after a few months that Lord
Crayfish was indeed Lordess Crayfish, made apparent by a massive
clutch of eggs nestled under its tail.
My
husband and I were surprised, considering it had been close to three
months since she’d even possibly been on a date.
Our
son was so ecstatic; he started making plans for all the baby
crayfish he envisioned in the coming weeks. As we all rode together
in the van he started promising his siblings they could each have two
of the babies.
“Well,
Connor,” my husband said, “there might not be any
babies.”
“Why?”
Connor asked.
“Well,
because, the eggs need to have a ‘special boy crayfish liquid’
to help them grow,” he responded. I gave my husband a look that
clearly said, ‘Are you really going to open this can of
worms now, with all four children present, on the way to church?’
Indeed.
Upon
further research, my husband and I discovered that female crayfish
can store “special boy crayfish liquid” for up to six
months. Meaning perhaps there would be babies after all.
Many
questions ensued, including inquiring young minds asking where they
could get some of that “special boy crayfish liquid.”
And
that is how we made the foray into talking to our 10-year-old about
the birds and the bees… and the crayfish. It was time, and it
was a natural segue. And it is important that when our kids first
hear about sex, they hear it from us, their parents. It is vital to
establish an open line of communication and trust, and we can’t
be sure of when the perfect opportunity will present itself.
I
come from a generation where it seems a lot of my friends didn’t
get “the talk.” Maybe the maturation talk, but not
necessarily the sex talk. It can be a really daunting subject, but in
this day and age our kids are going to hear of it somewhere —
it best be us. If we don’t educate them properly, there are
plenty of sources ready and waiting to step in and do it for us.
In
the Church Handbook 2, it states, “parents have primary
responsibility for the sex education of their children. Teaching this
subject honestly and plainly in the home will help young people avoid
serious moral transgressions.”
As
my husband and I are not remotely experts in this area, we have
started down the road; in addition, we have friends who have shared
advice and thoughts about this. A few things to consider:
Share
age-appropriate information. We want to give children enough to help
them understand, but not more than they are ready for.
Don’t
joke or make light of the subject. Expect children to be
embarrassed, and that’s OK. But treat the subject with
maturity and respect, setting an example for them to replicate.
Use
correct terminology, including terms they are going to be exposed to
in the coming years.
Make
use of existing resources to help the discussion. lds.org has
resources that can help, and check out bookstores or your local
library as well.
Leave
an open line of communication; have the initial conversation in a
loving and understanding manner, ensuring that your child is
comfortable coming to you with additional questions or concerns.
As
luck would have it, a few weeks after the discovery of the eggs, one
evening my children came shrieking downstairs, so full of excitement
I couldn’t at first make out what they were saying. And then it
became clear.
“The
crayfish eggs hatched! They had the special boy crayfish liquid!”
“Who
can believe I got 100 new pets in one day?” Connor exclaimed.
Melissa Howell was born and raised in the woods of northern Minnesota. She has a degree in
journalism from the University of Minnesota.
As a single 20-something, she moved to Colorado seeking an adventure. She found one, first in
landing her dream job and then in landing her dream husband; four children followed.
Upon becoming a mother, she left her career in healthcare communications to be a stay-at-home
mom, and now every day is an adventure with her husband Brian and children Connor (9), Isabel
(6), Lucas (5) and Mason (2).
In addition, she is a freelance writer and communications consultant for a variety of
organizations.
Melissa serves as Assistant director of media relations for stake public affairs and Webelos den leader