After all, we spend a
considerably higher percentage of time at places like the pool and
the park than we do during the school year, places that can be a
breeding ground for many things, including the worst kinds of
behavior.
And it’s not just
moms. Sometimes it’s the kids, too.
One incident went down
like this.
I was at my son’s
baseball game, at a large ballpark complex with a fantastic
playground where many siblings and other ballpark guests occupy their
time; here a different type of game plays out, and sometimes produces
equal amounts of swings and misses, strikes and steals.
I was innocently
watching my son’s game, when I overheard a mother berating the
older brother of a girl playing at the park. And she wasn’t
being discreet. Not even remotely. She was upset because she thought
the younger sister had hit her son.
Shortly after I
overheard this incident and had moved on from it, I walked over to
check on my kids at the playground when this same mother approached
me and started yelling at me because she thought my daughter hit her
son. This mom had her glove off and was looking for a fight, so to
speak.
When one is attacked,
verbally or otherwise, it can be really difficult to stay calm and
rational. I know it can be for me. But somehow I managed to do so.
I calmly explained that
I had also overheard her yelling at someone else about hitting her
son, and perhaps no one knows exactly what went down, but that I
would talk to my kids and keep and eye on them, although I already
had been and didn’t witness anything to speak of.
Unfortunately, she
didn’t seem to want to play nice and made it very uncomfortable
for my children and me for the rest of the evening, patrolling the
playground, ready to pounce at the slightest provocation. My children
steered clear. Better safe than sorry, no?
My friend experienced a
similar incident at the pool, when a mother confronted my friend
about her son calling her daughter “chubby.”
My friend felt horrible
and immediately made her 7-year-old apologize, explaining why we
never say such a thing to anyone. But the apology didn’t seem
to suffice. After a several minutes spent apologizing and trying to
make it up to this girl and her mother, the girl’s mother
didn’t seem satisfied.
“I don’t
know what else she wanted from me!” my friend recounted to me
in exasperation.
In such a situation, we
have two opportunities:
To put on our
objective glasses. Let’s not assume that our children are
never involved in name calling or other less-than-ideal playground
or other group-setting etiquette. We can teach them kindness, good
manners, how to make friends and treat others with respect, but
sometimes — especially
in large groups of children —
they choose a lesser path.
Usually
there are two sides to every story. We can’t fall into the trap
of “but my child never…, because never is a
tricky word. Learning appropriate social behaviors and interactions
in an ongoing lesson for kids; heck, there are plenty of adults out
there who clearly have not completed the course.
We
teach our children to love one another, yet on the other hand we want
them to stand up for themselves and not be treated poorly. Therein is
the rub.
To be an example
of kindness and forgiveness. I am not on a mission to skewer these
two mothers, as we never know what is going on in people’s
lives that causes them to act in certain manners. But there seemed
to be an overall air of unwillingness to forgive and forget in these
situations.
Nowhere
does the rule about our children “doing the things we do, not
the things we say” apply more soundly than in how we forgive
others.
Throughout our lives
and our children’s lives, there will be times we throw out
offenses, and times we catch them. If we can not only teach our
children to say “I’m sorry,” when called for, and
when to say “I forgive you,” when that is the necessary
phrase, but as parents set the example for it ourselves, we have a
far greater chance of raising socially appropriate and well-adjusted
children.
And if we fail to set
these appropriate boundaries in our own lives, I’ll no longer
blame it on summer.
I’ll blame it on
the parents.
Let’s all strive
to play on the same parenting team and hit kindness and forgiveness
out of the ballpark.
Melissa Howell was born and raised in the woods of northern Minnesota. She has a degree in
journalism from the University of Minnesota.
As a single 20-something, she moved to Colorado seeking an adventure. She found one, first in
landing her dream job and then in landing her dream husband; four children followed.
Upon becoming a mother, she left her career in healthcare communications to be a stay-at-home
mom, and now every day is an adventure with her husband Brian and children Connor (9), Isabel
(6), Lucas (5) and Mason (2).
In addition, she is a freelance writer and communications consultant for a variety of
organizations.
Melissa serves as Assistant director of media relations for stake public affairs and Webelos den leader