"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
My
friend, Robb, who served a mission in the Netherlands, introduced me
to a wonderful Dutch phrase: "Geen smoesjes," which in
English is pronounced (roughly) "ghayn smoosh-yuhs." It
means, "No excuses."
"Smoesjes.
Doesn't that just sound shmooshy, like an excuse?" he said,
smiling. That wonderful phrase got me thinking about excuses—why
and when we make them. First, a little clarification is in order. I'm
defining "excuse" as a reason we give for not doing
something we
really feel deep inside that we should be doing, regardless of what
others may or may not expect. By this definition, when we have a
valid reason for a course of action we truly feel is right, that’s
not an excuse.
What
I'm talking about is illustrated by the following experience. After
we'd talked about modesty in Primary one day, one of the young girls
came to me and said, "But you can't always dress modestly. It's
hard to find modest clothing."
First,
I was saddened because I was certain she didn't come up with that
idea herself; she was echoing what she had heard adults in her life
say. But I was also saddened because she was learning to find reasons
not
to do something that was in her best interest and would also be a
blessing to those around her. She was learning to find excuses.
Why
do we make excuses? Human beings are, by and large, rational
creatures. Most of us don't act out of pure malice or evil intent. So
when we go against what we know in our hearts we should be doing, we
seem to need to come up with some explanation or justification for
our behavior:
Yes,
visiting teaching is a good thing, but my companion is too hard to
get ahold of, and the sisters never return my calls. It's not my
fault if I can't get my visiting teaching done.
Family
history? Aunt Hilda has done it all. There's nothing I can do.
Sure,
I know I shouldn’t eat this way. But eating healthy just
isn’t an option for me. It takes too much time [or it costs
too much, or I don’t like the way it tastes, etc., etc.].
I
know I shouldn’t yell at my kids, but sometimes they make me
so mad!
The
Savior warned of the danger of making excuses in the Parable of the
Great Supper (Luke
14:15-24)—or
we could call it the Parable of Excuse-Making. A generous host
invited many of his friends to a feast. When all things were ready,
he sent his servant to tell the guests it was time to come. But each
began to make excuses: one claimed he had to go look at land he had
purchased instead (Really? In the middle of a fantastic free meal?);
another decided to prove his new oxen during the time of the feast;
the last declined because he'd recently married.
But
the host saw through all these excuses and was understandably upset.
He cancelled the invitation to his friends, and instead invited "the
poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind," (verse 21)
and finally those the servant could find in the "highways and
hedges" (verse 23). Those who had made excuses missed out on
the feast.
There
is one major reason excuses are false on a fundamental level. It's
because the Lord has promised to give us the power to do what is
right. As Nephi taught, "I know that the Lord giveth no
commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way
for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth
them." (1 Nephi 3:7.) The
apostle Paul put it this way: "I can do all things through
Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13.)
In
the words of Brad Wilcox, "Jesus’s grace is sufficient.
It is enough. It is all we need. Don’t quit. Keep trying.
Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His
perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search
for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and, as you do, you will feel
the enabling power and divine help we call His amazing grace."
("His Grace Is
Sufficient,"
New Era, August 2012.)
Now
for the challenge: Just for a day, watch for excuse-making in your
life. If you find yourself making an excuse not to do something you
know you should be doing, pause, and find a way instead of finding
an excuse.
Kathryn Grant is a user assistance professional with a passion
for usability and process
improvement. She also loves family history and enjoys the challenge and
reward of building her family tree.
As a child, she lived outside the United States for four years because of her father's job. This experience fueled her natural love of words and language, and also taught her to appreciate other cultures.
Kathryn values gratitude, teaching, learning, differences, and unity. She loves looking at star-filled skies, reading mind-stretching books, listening to contemporary Christian music, attending the temple, and eating fresh raspberries.
Kathryn teaches Sunday family history classes at the BYU Family History Library, and presents frequently at family history events. For more information, visit her Family History Learning Resources page