Forever..Just Not Now: Losing a Loved One, Coping, and Moving On,
by J. Randolph Ayre. 116 pages in soft cover, $15, available at LDS
book outlets, amazon.com, and email@example.com.
(Non-LDS version titled Saying
nothing like hearing it from someone who’s been there, and J.
Randolph Ayre fits the bill with Together
Forever…Just Not Now: Losing a Loved One, Coping, and Moving
self-published, well-written book with a title that accurately
reflects the contents.
met Randy and Elsa Marie Ayre about six years ago when we were
serving at the same time as senior couples in Santiago, Chile. It was
my husband’s and my first mission together, and the Ayres’
second. Randy served as an attorney for the Church in both the
Philippines and Chile.
the Ayres moved to Laie and took an assignment teaching at
energetic couple continues to be a living testament that people can
face the death of a spouse, learn to cope, and then move on with joy
in life and family. They admit they’ve played Cupid themselves
with widowed friends and have seen happy endings.
ever the articulate teacher, has put his experience into a book in an
effort to help others who face the loss of their eternal companion.
His own experience — which he also shares as a speaker —
is bolstered by comments of many others who have been in a similar
situation and have managed to find love and happiness a second time.
book brings up questions about sensitive matters such as how to
handle old photos, memorabilia, and furnishings from the first
marriage and even what name the wife will use. It discusses aspects
of remarriage such as deciding which house to live in, and
safeguarding financial assets and children’s inheritance with a
even covers a biggie for older remarried couples: how to divide time
and attention among all the children, especially when those children
all have families of their own. Randy and Elsa Marie each have four,
and there are now more than 20 grandchildren in the mix.
good relationships with children and grandchildren on both sides of
the new marriage should be the paramount goal of the couple,”
he writes. “The seamless amalgamation of our two families has
become one of our crowning achievements.”
chapter in the LDS version, Together
discusses the sensitive issue of marrying for time only while being
sealed for eternity to another spouse. That subject and other LDS
references are absent in a non-LDS version of the book called Saying
A helpful appendix in both editions outlines the basics of powers of
attorney, living wills or directives, estate planning and asset
inventory, trusts, and Jean Stringfellow’s Drop Dead List of
info every spouse should know before it is needed.
bottom line in both versions of the book is that it is possible to
deal with loss and find fulfillment in a new marriage. And the Ayres
continue to prove it.
Laurie Williams Sowby has been writing since second grade and getting paid for it since high
school. Her byline ("all three names, please") has appeared on more than 6,000 freelance articles
published in newspapers, magazines, and online.
A graduate of BYU and a writing instructor at Utah Valley University for many years, she
embraces all, having had her five children and their spouses all graduate from universities of
various colors. The oldest of 18 grandchildren (so far) begins the cycle again this fall.
She and husband, Steve, have served three full-time missions together, beginning in 2005 as
proselyting missionaries in Chile at the same time their youngest son was serving in Germany.
The last two times, they've served in Washington, D.C. (South and North missions) as young
adult Institute teachers. In D.C., they found it much easier to teach in English and enjoyed
having heat in the winter.
During her years of missionary service, Laurie continued to write about significant Church
events, including the rededication of the Santiago Temple by President Hinckley and the
groundbreaking for the Philadelphia Temple by President Eyring. She also was a Church Service
Missionary, working as a news editor at Church Magazines, between full-time missions.
Laurie has traveled to all 50 states and at least 45 countries (so far). Home is American Fork,
Utah. She serves on the board of the Timpanogos Symphony Orchestra and loves good music,
good books, and good chocolate.
Laurie is currently serving with her husband in an MTC branch presidency