Recently
I had the most stellar of weeks. My birthday was on the horizon and
strange and extravagant birthday gifts had started arriving out of
the blue.
Every
time Fluffy was up and walking around, I would ask him, “Why
don’t you go to the front porch and see what new packages have
arrived?” Much to my pleasure (and his dismay), there were
usually new packages — sometimes enough of them that it was
difficult to open the front door.
Oddly,
though, gifts started arriving for other reasons — or no reason
whatsoever. One day, we got two surprise gifts from two different
people, and they weren’t just for me. They were for Fluffy
too.
That
same day, we had visits from two groups of people. Boy, did we feel
loved! We felt as warm and fuzzy as the lint trap in an industrial
dryer. You don’t feel any warmer and fuzzier than that.
But
later in the week, I learned that while I was having the best week
ever, other people were having what was possibly the worst week of
their entire lives. Some of them were people I loved.
When
we got to the temple for our weekly work assignment, for example, I
heard about a family who had planned to come to the temple with their
daughter that day, and it was the first time the daughter would
attend. This is usually a big deal for active Mormons, similar to
getting married or being baptized. The mother and two other
daughters had planned to accompany her, and all the preparations had
been made.
The
night before the appointment, the woman — a mother with two
young children — had died. Nobody had expected it. It was a
complete surprise to one and all. Doctors had found cancer in her
only the week before, but they didn’t expect her to die that
quickly.
I
saw the mother and the sisters when they came to the temple office.
They had decided to attend anyway on her behalf, even if the guest of
honor could not be there, and they got ecclesiastical permission to
have the dead woman’s work done so she could be buried in her
temple clothing.
As
I watched the sorrowing family, I couldn’t help but feel a
little bit of guilt. How could I have been so happy that week when
other people in the world were so ravaged? How could I be oblivious
to the pain of others around me? How could I be rolling in joy when
others were drowning in sorrow?
But
then I thought of the obvious answer. We can’t all be in pain
together. If we were, who would be there to administer to our needs?
Part of the reason for pain in our lives is to provide others with
the opportunity to serve. If we were all grieving at the same time,
this would never happen.
There
has to be a system of checks and balances. Some of us have to have
full wells, so that when the wells of others are empty we can help.
If
all of us were empty at once, how parched we would be! There would
be nobody to help any of us, because all of us would be exhausted
from tending to our own needs.
But
when some of us are feeling so loved and cherished that the world is
a warm and happy place, we are the very ones who have the strength to
provide comfort to those whose lives are torn apart through illness
or pain or bereavement.
The
next time you are having a particularly wonderful day, consider that
the same day may be the most terrible day for someone else. Spread
some of your cheer to them, and both of you will feel more loved.
Waves
of joy may deposit us on higher ground. When it does, we can reach
out into those troughs of sorrow, holding out our hands and clasping
onto those of our friends and loved ones who grieve. Perhaps through
our love, our concern, and our service, we can bring them to firmer
ground with us.
I’ve
mixed so many metaphors here that I’ve worn myself out, but you
get the picture. Just as He always does, God knew exactly what He
was doing this past week. We have all been put here to take care of
one another, and the best way we can do that is if at least half of
us have the mental and emotional stamina we need to help the other
half out.
I
was so emotionally and even spiritually giddy last week that I had
the reservoirs to reach out and help others who were suffering.
Fluffy and I were able to do everything we were called upon to do,
and still have some strength left in reserve in case more is needed —
which indeed it still may be. We have it covered, just as others
have covered us when we were the ones in need.
I
like the way it works. I like the way we learn to take and then to
give. It’s like breathing. We inhale, and we exhale. In and
out — it’s the way of life. We can’t always take;
that makes us selfish and needy. We can’t always give; that
makes us feel too indispensable — too important.
We’re
all in this together. We hold each other up. Sometimes we’re
the flower. Sometimes we’re the stem. That’s the way
life is supposed to be.
Kathryn H. Kidd has been writing fiction, nonfiction, and "anything for money" longer than
most of her readers have even been alive. She has something to say on every topic, and the
possibility that her opinions may be dead wrong has never stopped her from expressing them at
every opportunity.
A native of New Orleans, Kathy grew up in Mandeville, Louisiana. She attended Brigham
Young University as a generic Protestant, having left the Episcopal Church when she was eight
because that church didn't believe what she did. She joined The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints as a BYU junior, finally overcoming her natural stubbornness because she
wanted a patriarchal blessing and couldn't get one unless she was a member of the Church. She
was baptized on a Saturday and received her patriarchal blessing two days later.
She married Clark L. Kidd, who appears in her columns as "Fluffy," more than thirty-five
years ago. They are the authors of numerous LDS-related books, the most popular of which is A
Convert's Guide to Mormon Life.
A former managing editor for Meridian Magazine, Kathy moderated a weekly column ("Circle of Sisters") for Meridian until she was derailed by illness in December of 2012. However, her biggest claim to fame is that she co-authored
Lovelock with Orson Scott Card. Lovelock has been translated into Spanish and Polish, which
would be a little more gratifying than it actually is if Kathy had been referred to by her real name
and not "Kathryn Kerr" on the cover of the Polish version.
Kathy has her own website, www.planetkathy.com, where she hopes to get back to writing a weekday blog once she recovers from being dysfunctional. Her entries recount her adventures and misadventures with Fluffy, who heroically
allows himself to be used as fodder for her columns at every possible opportunity.
Kathy spent seven years as a teacher of the Young Women in her ward, until she was recently released. She has not yet gotten used to interacting with the adults, and suspects it may take another seven years. A long-time home teacher with her husband, Clark, they have home taught the same family since 1988. The two of them have been temple workers since 1995, serving in the Washington D.C. Temple.