"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
- - Gordon B. Hinckley
January 9, 2014
New Year, Same Old Me
by Hannah Bird

It’s a New Year. I am not sure why. Neither I nor Congress had made good use of the last year. But still we have a new one and that’s that.

I am fat and messy. I have a host of bad habits. So this is the perfect time of year for me to buy workout videos, giant plastic tubs, and color-coordinated labels. Being large, sloppy and slothful gives me lots of room for excellent resolutions.

I could exercise every day. More. Differently. With a workout video that has a different skinny chick on the cover. I could de-junk everything in sight and develop an organizational system that will make Martha Stewart weep and then retire. I can work on my productivity. I can make a chart. Charts are an unending source of power. I am pretty sure that we used charts to get to the moon.

I have done the frenzied resolving in years past. But I just can’t be bothered.

Now it’s possibly that my epic laziness has metastasized to the point that it is terminal. But it’s also possible that I have a good reason.

I don’t want to.

It’s true that by most people’s measurement I would be better off if I developed patience and an inside voice. Health is sincerely important. Finding the things I own does have a certain charm (in theory of course). Becoming a Supermom or at least a less convincing version of her nemesis Not Adequate Mother would be a good goal.

But I still just don’t want to.

I am tired of nitpicking me. I am tired of the lists I have of things I need to do to get my act together. I am tired of growth opportunities. I am tired of me. I just want to be happy.

All this resolving is still really just navel-gazing. It is the old song “Me” in the key of “I.” I have gazed at my navel all that I can stand. There has to be something more interesting to do. I can still try to do things a little better. But I can do that without focusing something as precious as the beginning of a New Year on me and my failings — or even my wishes.

I think I will like this New Year. I will talk to my sister (in-law technically) on the phone three times a day even if I am going to see her that night. I will write things I love. I will write things that disappoint me. I will definitely write things that annoy you. I will read new things and try new things.

I will remember forgotten old things.  I will be happy to be here. I will terrorize innocent bystanders and herd cattle and ballerinas. It will be fun. Mostly.

But what I hope it mostly is, is less me.

C.S. Lewis said, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” I think he’s right.  And I think this is a great time to start.

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About Hannah Bird

I am me. I live at my house with my husband and kids. Mostly because I have found that people get really touchy if you try to live at their house. Even after you explain that their towels are fluffier and none of the cheddar in their fridge is green.

I teach Relief Society and most of the sisters in the ward are still nice enough to come.

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