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June 18, 2014
College Voices
Finding Joy Again
by College Voices
Sydney Bone
Senior, Utah State University

The past few years have been, well, crazy. My husband and I have moved four times in the three years we've been married. In that time, we also had a baby and we each got a BS in Engineering, his in Mechanical, mine in Biological. Actually, I'm still finishing mine, taking my last three classes this summer.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be happy. It was a bad combination of pregnancy hormones followed by postpartum depression, mixed with stress from school that my husband and I took out on each other.

I focused on distracting myself from the negative, rather than looking for the positive. I forgot what brought me joy. I got lost.

Now, most of the stress is behind us. We have time breathe and time to invest in each other, and it has made a world of difference. I’m remembering how to be happy. I imagine this is how people in Alaska feel, after a long winter of darkness, when they glimpse the first bright rays of sunlight peeking over the horizon.

Last night, my husband and I talked for hours about our goals for the future. There were no distractions — no homework deadlines imminent, no electronic devices vying for our attention — just a chance to talk and remember why we fell in love.

Today, I pulled out the stroller and took my one-year-old daughter for a long walk. She babbled the whole time and frequently turned around to smile at me. Then we went inside and shared a Popsicle. She made funny faces and I laughed. Then she giggled.

When we had finished the Popsicle, she threw a tantrum because she wanted more. After all, she is only one.

In my search for relief from the stress of my life, I forgot the most obvious place to go. I was reading a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland when I realized my mistake.

He said, “In that most burdensome moment of all human history, with blood appearing at every pore and an anguished cry upon His lips, Christ sought Him whom He had always sought — His Father.”

In that moment, I felt the love of my Father in Heaven. Even when I felt lost and alone, He was there. He is always there and I know he loves me.

I found joy again.

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