We moved to the country and bought a place with some land because we didn't want to have
neighbors close by. We wanted freedom and privacy.
Our next-door neighbors live a quarter-mile away. They are the sweetest retired couple, but they
are a little too nice. Today, the husband is mowing my lawn because he says it breeds mosquitos.
Yesterday, he brought over something to throw in the swampy part of my property to kill
mosquitos. He always has advice on how to eliminate the weeds in my flowerbeds.
These neighbors give our dog treats, so whenever our dog sees an open door, it runs out and over
to their house. The other night I got home at midnight and couldn't find our dog. It was raining
and I searched everywhere.
I finally gave up and left the garage door open, hoping it would come home. I got up at 6:30 a.m.
and went out looking again. Our neighbors brought the dog home at 8 a.m. -- it had spent the
night at their house.
Right now I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom because I don't want him to see me playing
on my computer as he mows my lawn. I'd like to take my kids swimming, but I don't feel like I
can leave with him here mowing.
I'm glad they are kind, but I'm feeling claustrophobic.
Answer:
Property rights, you may have heard, are like a bundle of sticks. Each stick represents a right of
ownership. There is the right to exclude others, the right to occupy the property, the right to sell
and the general right to do what you want as long as you comply with easements and covenants,
local land use restrictions, and the like.
From a property rights perspective, you could tell your neighbors to go fly a kite. It's your land
and unless there are restrictions on your deed, you can have all the shaggy grass, weedy
flowerbeds and mosquitos you want. If they have a problem with it, they can file a nuisance suit.
This column, however, will not tell you how to assert your property rights against your neighbors
because this is an advice column. And telling your neighbors to go jump in the lake, just because
you can, is a bad idea. It is neither kind nor neighborly.
Now, I don't think you wanted to tell them to buzz off, but it is nevertheless good to remember
that in a pleasant and sociable world, some property rights must remain unasserted for the sake of
neighborliness.
A good neighbor is a wonderful thing. Someone friendly and pleasant, with whom you exchange
Christmas and Hanukkah treats, who minds his own business but will lend you a ladder if you
need one. Someone whose yard looks neat, whose house is well-maintained, and whose mailbox
is both painted and firmly affixed to the post.
A good neighbor, somewhat paradoxically, minds his own business, but also notices when
something is wrong and pitches in if someone needs help. Good neighbors talk to each other
about community concerns, and when there is a problem or dispute, they assume a
misunderstanding instead of malevolence. Good neighbors often become good friends.
Even if you don't develop actual friendships with your neighbors, you can still be neighborly:
You can behave in a way that does not disturb others and you can maintain a home and yard that
make your neighborhood attractive.
At the very least, your home should meet community standards. That includes controlling the
pests and weeds on your property that can and will spread to your neighbors' land.
Whether you live in an apartment, townhome, suburb or the country, the way you use and
maintain your property affects adjacent landowners. You have more leeway in the country than in
a densely populated area. But even in the country you have neighbors, and those neighbors have
legitimate expectations for how you behave and maintain your property.
In your case, it appears that you want your neighbors to behave better -- you want them to mind
their own business. And I bet they want you to maintain your property better.
Interestingly, it seems like both of you are right. It is indeed intrusive to look out your window
and see someone, unbidden, mowing your lawn. But it is also unpleasant to drive down the road
and see an unkempt lawn and weed-ridden flowerbeds.
I would not like someone to give my pet treats without my permission. However, I would even
more strongly dislike someone's pet running around my property in the middle of the night. (Not
having a pet myself, I cannot say whether a well-trained pet would remain in the house and yard
on its own, despite its awareness of treats at the neighbors'.)
I do not think it was overstepping when your neighbor brought you the anti-mosquito treatment.
It was a neighborly way to say, "You have to do something about that swamp or we are going to
have an infestation." He seems to know something you don't about the local insects. You should
listen to him.
So what are you going to do now? You want your neighbors to back off, but you also want to
show appreciation for their kindness. How might you accomplish this? Here are four ideas.
One, ask him to teach you. The next time he comes over, go outside and talk to him. Say
something like, "Henry, you are the best neighbor. I appreciate how you help us out all the time.
But I'm sure you have your own things do. It's just not right that you are here doing our work and
not home doing yours."
He may protest. You will say, "No, I insist. I want you to show me what to do. I've got my paper
and pencil right here so I can make notes about what needs to be done."
Then, as you walk and talk, you can either agree with his suggestions ("I'll buy some Mosquito-B-Gone this weekend"), scale back his suggestions ("I'll just mow it shorter instead of more
often") or reject his suggestions ("That's too ambitious for me"). You will probably get a sense
of what is most important to him, which you could consider when making your weekly chore list.
Two, visit their home to talk about it. The next time he mows your lawn or they take in your
dog, make a plate of cookies and go to their home. Thank them for their services and say that you
really must pay them.
Explain that your dad taught you to always pay your own way, and that you feel desperately
uncomfortable taking up their time without giving anything in return. Add that you don't mind a
longer lawn -- you were taught that it suppresses weeds and conserves water. And ask them not
to give your dog treats anymore because it rewards the dog for escaping.
Then, one of a few things may happen. They might apologize for intruding. You will say, "Oh,
no, no, no. You are wonderful neighbors," etc. Or they might say they love to help because they
have tons of time and energy or because your dog is fun. You can stick to your guns and say that
even though you appreciate their help, you really would prefer to do the work yourself.
More interesting will be if they respond (nicely, of course) that the long lawn is a problem, that
the weedy beds are embarrassing, that the swamp needs desperate attention, or that they give your
dog treats to lure it close enough to catch when it barks at their kitchen window.
If that happens, remain calm. You came to discuss your problem, and it is only right to listen to
any concerns they have in return. In fact, you should try to anticipate their concerns and how you
might respond.
Three, mow your lawn before he does. Weed your flowerbeds. Control your swamp. And
train your dog. Yes, this impinges on the way you want to live. It is more effort than you think
is necessary. But if the work is already done, he won't come over to do it.
Four, own it and go swimming. If your lawn, flowerbeds, dog and swamp are adequately
maintained to the community standard, and if your neighbor still insists on coming over,
unasked, to do your yard work, you are under no obligation to hide in your house until he is done.
Instead, put on your swimsuit, pack your pool bag and head out to the car. Give him a cheery
wave and a big smile, get into the car and drive away. If he really enjoys mowing your lawn, he
won't mind a bit. But if he is trying to shame you into mowing your lawn to his specifications,
your lack of shame may convince him to stop trying.
Do
you have a quandary, conundrum, or sticky situation in your life?
Click this button to drop Cyndie a line, and she’ll be happy to
answer your question in a future column. Any topic is welcome!
Cynthia Munk Swindlehurst spent her childhood in New Hampshire and her
adolescence in San Diego. She served a mission in Manaus Brazil. She
graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and from
Duke University with a law degree.
She practiced law until her first child was born. She enjoys reading, tap
dancing, and discussing current events. She and her husband live in
Greensboro, North Carolina with their two sons.
Cyndie serves as the Sunbeams teacher in her ward.