"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
When
I was freshly graduated from Brigham Young University, I got my first
real job as a reporter for the Salt Lake City Deseret
News, the city’s Mormon
newspaper. Because we were the newspaper that represented the
Latter-day Saint viewpoint, everybody who worked there had a Mormon
association to one degree or another.
We
had new Mormons like me. But there were also old Mormons, lapsed
Mormons, non-Mormons and even anti-Mormons. You see, we all had
“Mormon” of some sort in our description, whether we
wanted it or not (and I assure you, the anti-Mormons assuredly did
not). And because we were a Mormon newspaper, one of the things we
talked about the most was the Mormon religion.
As
a newly-minted Mormon, I was still stupid enough to think I could
convince people to see the beauty in the new truths I had discovered,
if I could only get them to listen to it. So I helpfully would try
to tell “Joe” or “Nick” some of the truths I
had learned, and was puzzled when they laughed me down.
The
reason they laughed at me was what puzzled me. They liked what I
said, you see. But they were not going to accept it for one reason,
and for one reason alone. It was tainted because it was found inside
the Mormon religion.
If
they had found the same nuggets of wisdom in Catholicism or
Zoroastrianism or Buddhism, they would have embraced them. Hey —
this was during the Age of Aquarius. Even the hippies were zoning
out to whatever crazy ideas they tuned into. But if it had the word
“Mormon” attached, my co-workers wanted none of it.
“Mormon” was the ultimate crazy. It was truth in an
inconvenient place.
Later
on, after Fluffy and I got married and had our own home, we saw a
different instance of that sort of thing. We planted raspberries and
asparagus in our own little garden plot. They occasionally produced
a tiny asparagus or a raspberry or two — never enough for a
meal, mind you, but enough for one of us to have a bite from the
garden on a rare delightful occasion.
But
occasionally, way out in the yard, fifteen or even twenty feet from
the bed where the raspberries and the asparagus were planted, a
raspberry cane or a volunteer asparagus would spring up, unbidden, in
the middle of the lawn. Nobody had asked for it to be there. Nobody
wanted it to be there. When he found one of these interlopers, Fluffy mowed
it down relentlessly with the rest of the overgrown grass.
If
the raspberry cane or the asparagus stalk had grown in our garden it
would have been prized, but it didn’t. We didn’t want it
out in the grass. We couldn’t accept it there. It was in an
inconvenient place.
Brigham
Young was a man who was two hundred years ahead of his time. He used
to counsel Mormons — men and women alike — to seek
learning “out of the best books.” Indeed, for the
non-Mormons who are reading this, we Mormons have an actual scripture
that counsels us to do that:
And
as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words
of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek
learning, even by study and also by faith (Doctrine and Covenants
88:118).
But
Brigham Young took it to heart. He didn’t care whether the
books were written by Latter-day Saints. In fact, he encouraged
Mormons to look outside the Church for their enlightenment, gleaning
knowledge wherever they could find it.
Thus,
it should not surprise a Mormon to find kernels of truth in any
church, or wisdom in the mouth of any babe. Of course, sometimes
we’re so surprised to find it that we may not recognize it
until it hits us over the head with a mallet. But then, we’re
human just like everyone else. Sometimes it takes a whop with a
mallet to convince us to see things that are plainly in front of us
to see.
One
example occurred about a year ago, when Fluffy and I were just about
to go on a road trip. I was checking the computer one last time when
I clicked on Facebook and was stunned to see a little snippet my
Facebook friend Catherine
Keddington Arveseth had posted. She casually mentioned the Three
Stages of Marriage as though
everyone had heard about it.
She
said that couples in a marriage traditionally go through three
stages:
Loving but not knowing.
Knowing but not loving.
Knowing but choosing to love anyway.
I
had never heard anything about the Three Stages of Marriage, and it
hit me like a bombshell. Fluffy hadn’t heard it either. How
we wished we had known it all along! It would have saved us years of
heartache. Like millions of other couples, we had spent years mired
in the quicksand of Stage 2.
Once
we learned this bit of information, Fluffy and I have told many
couples about it. Some of them were extremely grateful. They were
men or women who were in Stage 2, and this was a lifeline for them.
It was more than good news for them to know there was a light at the
end of the proverbial tunnel; it was something that allowed them to
go on when they otherwise believed their marriage was stuck in a
hopeless rut.
But
other people — people whose marriages were equally troubled —
did not take hold of the lifeline. The reason stunned me. They
thought the concept was worthwhile until they asked where we got it.
When they learned I had read it on Facebook they sniffed, “Oh.
I don’t go there. Facebook is a waste of time.”
I
don’t doubt for a minute that Facebook can be a huge
waste of time. I have been spending less and less time myself there
for the past few months, as life has demanded more of me. There
isn’t time for me to squander hours on Facebook, the way I used
to do. But to discount something solely because it came from
Facebook, or from the Mormons, or from reality TV, is premature.
Sometimes
truth can be found in inconvenient places.
I’m
not smart enough to wake up every morning with the knowledge I’ll
need for that day. I have to go looking for it. God has to teach me
lessons. He does it through the scriptures. He does it through
Fluffy. He does it through my mistakes. He does it through friends.
Sometimes
that truth is found in inconvenient places. When it is, I hope I
have the wisdom to pluck it up, dust it off and use it. I want to be
smart enough to recognize gems of truth and embrace them. I’m
just a regular person. We regular people, still in the learning
stage of eternity, need all the help we can get.
Kathryn H. Kidd has been writing fiction, nonfiction, and "anything for money" longer than
most of her readers have even been alive. She has something to say on every topic, and the
possibility that her opinions may be dead wrong has never stopped her from expressing them at
every opportunity.
A native of New Orleans, Kathy grew up in Mandeville, Louisiana. She attended Brigham
Young University as a generic Protestant, having left the Episcopal Church when she was eight
because that church didn't believe what she did. She joined The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints as a BYU junior, finally overcoming her natural stubbornness because she
wanted a patriarchal blessing and couldn't get one unless she was a member of the Church. She
was baptized on a Saturday and received her patriarchal blessing two days later.
She married Clark L. Kidd, who appears in her columns as "Fluffy," more than thirty-five
years ago. They are the authors of numerous LDS-related books, the most popular of which is A
Convert's Guide to Mormon Life.
A former managing editor for Meridian Magazine, Kathy moderated a weekly column ("Circle of Sisters") for Meridian until she was derailed by illness in December of 2012. However, her biggest claim to fame is that she co-authored
Lovelock with Orson Scott Card. Lovelock has been translated into Spanish and Polish, which
would be a little more gratifying than it actually is if Kathy had been referred to by her real name
and not "Kathryn Kerr" on the cover of the Polish version.
Kathy has her own website, www.planetkathy.com, where she hopes to get back to writing a weekday blog once she recovers from being dysfunctional. Her entries recount her adventures and misadventures with Fluffy, who heroically
allows himself to be used as fodder for her columns at every possible opportunity.
Kathy spent seven years as a teacher of the Young Women in her ward, until she was recently released. She has not yet gotten used to interacting with the adults, and suspects it may take another seven years. A long-time home teacher with her husband, Clark, they have home taught the same family since 1988. The two of them have been temple workers since 1995, serving in the Washington D.C. Temple.