I
imagine everyone remembers when his parent sat him down and gave him
The Talk. Sometime in those awkward tween ugly-duckling years,
hopefully some trusted adult sat you down and told you about the
birds and the bees. And, if you were raised in a Latter-day Saint
home, it likely included additional instruction about waiting until
marriage to explore these miraculous capabilities of our bodies.
These
days, child psychologists and Church leaders alike (for example, see
Linda S. Reeves’ April 2014 Conference talk, “Protection
From Pornography — A Christ-Focused Home”)
recommend not just one Talk, but several, beginning quite young, and
being revisited many times over the years as your child develops.
Children
and teens need to know the lines of communication are always open
with their parents and that parents are the best source of advice and
information when it comes to relationships, sexuality, substance
abuse, and the other land mines of growing up today.
I
am all on board for this. We’ve discussed maturation, where
babies come from, modesty, the Word of Wisdom, basic dating
guidelines, and everything else we can think of with our children
whenever the opportunity presents itself.
However,
I admit there is one subject I have been kind of avoiding.
I
had to face this recently with the release of the final book in a
series I have been reading. Allow me to explain.
I
sometimes think I have the literary taste of a 12-year-old boy. I
once admitted this to Obert Skye, author of the Leven Thumps
series, when he asked to whom he should make out the inscription at a
book signing and I sheepishly answered, “Um, me….”
The vast majority of the other mothers there that day were buying
Christmas presents for their 11-year-old sons.
And
so it is that I frequently lend out juvenile fantasy fiction books to
my students, just for fun, because we like the same books, and I
being an adult can afford to buy them. A few of my students and I
have been waiting with great anticipation for the final book in Rick
Riordan’s Heroes of Olympus series. It came out this
past month, and was a worthy end to the 10-book saga.
However,
it was with some trepidation that I lent out this particular book
after I read it, and would only do so after speaking to the parents
of the student who wanted to borrow it.
Because
in this book, one of the main characters is gay, and it is an issue
that is inextricably woven throughout the story.
Seeing
sixth graders around me read this book, I realized I had never
broached this subject with my children. They are not quite old enough
for Facebook accounts, or I am sure I never could have gotten away
with this. But, between this book and seeing gay couples be
affectionate at the secondary school we carpool to each day, I knew I
really needed to talk to my children.
Turns
out all I had to do was discuss this with my husband and one of my
eavesdropping children beat me to the punch.
My
nine-year-old asked me at the dinner table yesterday, “I know
it is wrong for a woman to marry another woman, but why would they
want to do that?”
This
was the perfect opportunity to explain both my feelings on the
subject and reiterate what the Church’s position is.
I
have several people in my life, including extended family members,
who experience same-sex attraction, so I have made it a priority to
be educated on this issue. These are people I love and care about.
I
absolutely know their feelings are as real as mine, and that they
didn’t choose to experience this. It’s how they came.
However, I also know that if they wish to obey the commandments of
God they must make some gut-wrenching decisions about how they will
live their lives.
I
know one person who served an honorable mission and then chooses to
live a celibate life so he can keep his covenants. I greatly admire
his sacrifice. I am not sure if I would be strong enough to choose
that, were I in his shoes.
Then
I know another who clearly still believes in the basic tenets of the
Gospel, but has chosen to take a same-sex partner and hopes one day
the Church will recognize that relationship as valid.
There
are still others in my life who have dealt with the issue by
renouncing or leaving the Church. This breaks my heart, but I can see
their point of view.
These
are all things I discussed with my children yesterday. I want them to
know that I love these people regardless of their choices. I want my
children to know I would also love them if they found themselves
confronting such a life-changing issue. And, I want them to
understand that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is for everyone, but it
can require tremendous sacrifice to live it depending on one’s
circumstances.
Homosexuality
was rarely discussed as I was growing up. Now it is a prevalent
issue. As parents and youth leaders, we cannot just put on blinders
and hope the issue doesn’t come up in our family or our group
of youth.
It
may benefit everyone to review what the Church has said about
same-sex attraction. There is an entire website run by the Church and
dedicated to it: www.mormonsandgays.org.
In
a recent stake conference I heard someone say over the pulpit that
“homosexuality is against our religion,” and I cringed. I
wondered how many people — especially youth — in the
audience that day experience same-sex attraction. I can only imagine
such comments being hurtful.
As
mormonsandgays.org states on the first page, “Same-sex
attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction
itself is not a sin, but acting on it is.” If we are to be best
equipped to help any young people who are in our sphere of influence
who may cope with this reality, then we must get our story straight.
We
need to look to what the prophets are saying about it right now.
We need to make peace with our own feelings about homosexuality. We
need to decide to love our fellow brothers and sisters without
reservation. And, we need to get over ourselves and talk to our own
children about it.
Emily
Jorgensen received her bachelor's degree in piano performance from
Brigham Young University. She earned her master's degree in
elementary music education, also at BYU. She holds a Kodaly
certificate in choral education, as well as permanent certification
in piano from Music Teacher’s National Association.
She
has taught piano, solfege, and children’s music classes for 17
years in her own studio. She has also taught group piano classes at
BYU.
She
is an active adjudicator throughout the Wasatch Front and has served
in local, regional, and state positions Utah Music Teachers'
Association, as well as the Inspirations arts contest chair at
Freedom Academy.
She
gets a lot of her inspiration for her column by parenting her own
rambunctious four children, aged from “in diapers” to
“into Harry Potter.” She is still married to her high
school sweetheart and serves in her ward’s Primary.