A
young Boyd K. Packer had just spoken in church. Afterward, the stake
patriarch complimented him — and then offered a minor
correction to a word he felt Brother Packer had mispronounced.
Miffed, Brother Packer said he, “replied with some impudence,
‘Oh, is that so?’”
Later,
feeling ashamed, Brother Packer called the patriarch and apologized,
thanking him for the correction and inviting more.
Drawing
a lesson from this experience, Elder Packer observed, “A desire
to learn is one thing. An expressed willingness to be taught and to
be corrected is quite another.” (“The
Edge of the Light,”
BYU Magazine,
March 1991.)
It’s
been said that feedback is the breakfast of champions. If that’s
true, why does it sometimes make us gag? And how can we change our
appetite, as Boyd K. Packer did, and learn to crave it instead?
Sometimes
we resist feedback because our assumptions are so well camouflaged in
our worldview that we simply can’t believe we’ve been
wrong. Other times, we see the truth but don’t want to admit
it. After all, it could be embarrassing. And if we were wrong about
that, what else might we have been wrong about? Not to mention the
hassle — if we admit we’re wrong, we’ll probably
feel obligated to do something about it. Ugh.
But
in most cases, if not all, the root problem underlying our resistance
is probably pride. And the crazy thing? In almost all cases, we only
compound a problem by refusing to admit it and correct it. Our
resistance to the truth keeps us stuck in a place where we can’t
find solutions. Why not cut our losses, address the problem, and move
on?
Letting
go of ego and receiving correction is actually the key to freedom and
progression. We become free from resistance, from wounded pride, from
stunted growth. We’re free to get past mistakes and problems,
to prosper and thrive.
In
a BYU Devotional, Tyler Jarvis spoke about the iterative process of
learning and growth: we act imperfectly, get feedback on our actions,
and then use that feedback to improve. (“That’s
How the Light Gets In,”
BYU Devotional, July 9, 2013.) It’s a simple approach, but it’s
hard to find one that’s more effective.
Even
if we learn to love feedback, occasionally it may be served with an
unpalatable side dish of judgment or criticism. I once saw a friend
rebuked in a public setting in a way that seemed decidedly unfair.
But by his reaction, he taught me and others that even hurtful
feedback can be useful.
If
we’re humble, we can still acknowledge anything accurate in the
feedback and use it to improve. We can also learn from this type of
correction how to offer feedback to others with greater sensitivity.
How
might it affect our lives if we actively sought and used feedback
instead of resisting it? Elder Packer shared another experience that
helps answer this question:
Once when I returned from a mission
tour totally exhausted, my wife said to me, “I have never seen
you so tired. What is the matter; did you find a mission president
who wouldn’t listen?” “No,” I replied, “it
was just the opposite. I found one who wanted to learn.”
Many will say they want to learn but
feel threatened if there is the slightest element of correction in
what they are given. He wanted to learn! That president now sits in
the Council of the Twelve Apostles. (“The
Edge of the Light,”
BYU Magazine,
March 1991.)
To
be clear, the point is not that seeking feedback could result in a
leading Church calling. But a humble willingness and even eagerness
to be corrected, a strong desire to learn and improve — these
are qualities that allow the Lord to use us in meaningful and perhaps
surprising ways to build His kingdom and hasten His work in the
latter days.
Kathryn Grant is a user assistance professional with a passion
for usability and process
improvement. She also loves family history and enjoys the challenge and
reward of building her family tree.
As a child, she lived outside the United States for four years because of her father's job. This experience fueled her natural love of words and language, and also taught her to appreciate other cultures.
Kathryn values gratitude, teaching, learning, differences, and unity. She loves looking at star-filled skies, reading mind-stretching books, listening to contemporary Christian music, attending the temple, and eating fresh raspberries.
Kathryn teaches Sunday family history classes at the BYU Family History Library, and presents frequently at family history events. For more information, visit her Family History Learning Resources page