Age
is a funny thing. When we are children, we are anxious to claim our
next milestone, no matter how much we may be stretching the facts.
“I’m almost eight!” may be the reply to the
standard adult query, even though that “almost” could be
several months.
Children
are eager to anticipate the next notch on the chart that proves they
are growing up. In fact, we delight with them in each new milestone
of age and accomplishment, and we should.
Birthdays
are something that some of us love, and some of us hate to think
about. When I called a son-in-law on his recent birthday, he laughed
and told me that he was enjoying what would be his last
birthday — I had to think a second, and realize, “Oh,
that’s right, you’re thirty-nine, aren’t you?”
(I suggested he find a clip of Jack Benny’s comedy schtick.
If you’re young enough to draw a blank, then go looking.)
My
husband would probably (now) be disappointed if I completely forgot,
or if none of our kids called, but he would prefer that no one else
know. He doesn’t want a fuss. I, on the other hand, would be
pleased by being remembered.
Some
birthdays are more of a jump than others. Culture is a factor there,
as our culture values and emphasizes youth and energy. Beauty
products rake in the dollars as they tell you that they can keep you
looking young. That’s the kind of message we’re
bombarded with, right and left.
On
the other hand, when my husband and I served a stake mission with the
Vietnamese branch that was attached to our ward at the time, the
elders told us that we might be asked our age. In that culture, that
was a polite question. The older you were, the more honor was due
you.
I
don’t recall ever being asked that question in the two years we
served; I guess that, in our forties, we were old enough to be
respectable, but not old enough to be venerable. And that was fine.
It’s
the decade changes that can be hard. When my husband turned sixty, I
realized that I was being careful to mention that I, myself, was
younger as I said it was his birthday. (See, I do tell on him,
judiciously.) That hadn’t been a big deal the year before. I
couldn’t imagine sixty, quite, for myself.
I
had a little bit of a hard time turning fifty. When I turned
fifty-five, I joked that now that I had hit the double-nickel, I
would stop. Maybe I could go backwards each year until I returned to
fifty, and stay there. But I couldn’t do it. I blame my mother
— she was always matter-of-fact about her age. If you ask her
how old she is, she’ll answer; it won’t bother her, and I
guess I absorbed her no-fuss example.
So
this year, I contemplated going from fifty-nine, which seemed okay,
to sixty, which was a gulp. Not a crisis, but it would give me
pause. I was glad I had a few months to think about it.
As
the weeks approached, though, I found myself being drawn back to
memories of turning forty. That was a milestone I celebrated. That
was the one adult birthday for which I threw myself a party, because
it was a birthday I might not have reached.
Most
families, sometime, have stretches where one particular child is
always sick. I was that child a lot. I ended up in the hospital,
having my tonsils and adenoids out, when I was five. I got an ear
infection on top of the measles — the sickest I had ever been —
and then had ear infections frequently for another half-dozen years.
Then they came back through my twenties.
I
was sometimes hit by breathing attacks starting in fourth grade. I
guess I’d had the like when I was too little to remember. By
what we know now, it would be termed reactive airway syndrome rather
than the asthma it was labeled then. I would regularly get
bronchitis in the winter, if I was worn out.
But
the kicker was the mono. I went to high school for three days, and
wasn’t seen again until Halloween. I developed a kidney
infection, for whatever reason, while I was in the debilitated state
of that illness, and it wasn’t recognized immediately as
something new. Treatment was a six-week course of gantrisin (a
sulfa), and a follow-up test gave the all-clear.
Except
it wasn’t. In two or three weeks I was back again, with
low-grade fever, headache, backache, no energy, urinary burning, and
a repeat test showed I had another kidney infection. Treat and
repeat, same success, then same recurrence.
The
doctor told us to wait a week after the course of antibiotics to run
the recheck, it would be clear, and within a month — usually
sooner — I would be back again, sick. This
went on all through the school year. It continued the following
year.
Unbeknownst
to me at the time, the doctor told my mother that if we couldn’t
get this licked, I could be in the start of a pattern that would
progress in seriousness through the years, with marriage and
pregnancies, and I would end up on dialysis by the time I was thirty
and dead by the time I was forty, unless kidney transplants, which
were an experimental procedure at the time, worked out. It was a
sobering conversation.
I
knew nothing about that prediction, but I did know that I was very
tired of being sick. I was tired of the school nurse telling me not
to overdo it and my math teacher telling me that she thought I wasn’t
trying. I was tired of having to use my choir period to go lie down,
and tired of falling over anyway when I got home from school. I
missed friends who had made the transition to high school without me,
settling into other patterns and friendships because I had simply not
been there.
My
parents asked all the family to join in a day of fasting, and asked
for a priesthood blessing. My brother Morgan, who was twelve,
remembers the solemnity of that gathering, asking that I be made
fully well. I finished the course of treatment that I was on, and
never had another recurrence.
Pregnant
with my first child, though, I developed borderline toxemia, or
pre-eclampsia. I was put on complete bed rest, which succeeded in
keeping me out of the hospital, and pushed fluids. My kidneys
soldiered on and functioned perfectly; protein in the urine is one of
the danger points of this condition.
Then
I had no problems with the pregnancy for my second child, and my
mother, once I had delivered, told me that she could finally relax
now and why. In the back of her mind, she had still worried a
little, because moms are like that. I could have told her there was
no need. I had felt the power of that blessing.
But
that’s why forty was a happy milestone. And being led to
remember that, I thought of all the experiences I’ve had and
the learning I’ve gained in the years since. Twenty extra
years, and counting, of being taught and blessed; and life is a good
gift. By the time my birthday came, I was simply happy for it.
I’m
sixty years old now. (And I’m a senior ticket at the movies!)
Cool.
Marian J. Stoddard was born in Washington, D.C., and grew up in its Maryland suburbs. Her
father grew up in Carson City, Nevada, and her mother in Salt Lake City, so she was always
partly a Westerner at heart, and she ended up raising her family in Washington State. Her family
took road trips all over the United States and Canada, so there were lots of adventures.
The adventures of music, literature, and art were also valued and pursued. Playing tourist always
included the local museums as well as historical sites and places of natural beauty. Discussions
at home, around the dinner table or working in the kitchen, could cover politics, philosophy, or
poetry, with the perspective of the gospel underlying all. Words and ideas, and testimony and
service, were the family currency.
Marian graduated from Winston Churchill High School in Potomac, Maryland, and attended the
University of Utah as the recipient of the Ralph Hardy Memorial Scholarship, where she was
graduated with honors, receiving a B.A. in English. She also met the love of her life, a law
student, three weeks after her arrival; she jokes that she had to marry him because her mother
always wanted a tenor in the family. (She sings second soprano.) They were married two years
later and have six children and six grandchildren (so far). She treasures her family, her friends,
and her opportunities to serve.
Visit Marian at her blog, greaterthansparrows. You can contact her at
bloggermarian@gmail.com.
Marian and her husband live in Tacoma, Washington. Together they teach those who are
preparing to go to the temple for the first time, and she also teaches a Stake Relief Society
Institute class.