One
of the weird things about being in a coma was that it messed up my
vision, big time. How could it not? After all, I was lying there
with non-working kidneys. The same toxins that killed the nerves in
my legs couldn’t help but be messing up my eyes. At least,
that’s what we figured when I tried to read post-coma and
realized I couldn’t see a doggone thing.
The
amusing thing we learned when we went to the ophthalmologist this
past week was that my eyes had been messed up, all right, but that
they had inexplicably been messed up for the good. The
ophthalmologist, who was unacquainted with priesthood blessings, was
flummoxed about how my eyes had improved so much that my contact
lenses and glasses were now way too strong for me. Fluffy and I just
shook our heads.
We
knew, you see, that God was at work again.
But
this story is not about God’s little surprises, of which there
are many. This story, because I am writing it on Thanksgiving
morning and I am hungry, is about food.
As
we sat in the waiting room, on that day before Thanksgiving, Fluffy
and I got in a conversation about Thanksgiving menus with the
receptionist, who was barely out of high school but who had been
raised in the true Southern tradition.
She
had gone to the supermarket that morning and purchased a ten-pound
box of kale and collard greens to cook up (cook down?) for
Thanksgiving, and I asked her how much bacon she was going to need to
cook with that. She said she was not going to use bacon; she had
been lucky enough to find a hog’s cheek, and she was going to
use that.
We
rhapsodized about Southern food until I got sent back to the doctor’s
office, thoroughly enjoying the conversation. We continued talking
about food with the doctor’s assistant, who was about the same
age as the receptionist, but who said her contribution to the
Thanksgiving meal was going to be filling the water glasses and
setting the table.
“I
don’t cook,” she said proudly. “My Mom enjoys
making the entire meal, and I’m just as happy to let her.”
“Then
how are you going to make Thanksgiving memories with your children?”
we asked her.
“I
didn’t think about that,” she said. “Do you think
I could start in the middle of the year and learn one dish at a time
so I wouldn’t mess up a whole meal?”
“That
would work,” we said. Then, as we drove home from the eye
doctor’s, we talked about food, telling ourselves how sorry we
felt for her because she had never discovered the joy of eating food
that she had prepared for herself.
One
thing we have learned in this year of forced early retirement is that
meals don’t have to cost a whole lot of money. Right now yams
(which most stores around here have incorrectly labeled “sweet
potatoes”) are selling for 37 cents per pound. A one-pound yam
is huge. No, a one-pound yam is gargantuan. A 37-cent yam will
provide dinner for Fluffy and me.
Okay,
maybe a 37-cent yam won’t provide a whole dinner for
Fluffy and me. We also put butter on it. And we put brown sugar and
cinnamon on it, too. That bumps up the cost a little bit. But you
get the picture. Thirty-seven cents is money you find in your
pockets or between the cushions of the couch. That little amount can
allow two people to eat like kings.
But
that’s the only food you can eat for pennies. What about
artichokes? We ate artichokes this week. Normally an artichoke is
about 89 cents, and that will provide dinner for one person. That
means we can eat dinner for about two bucks, if you include the
mayonnaise-parmesan or sriracha mayonnaise we use for dipping sauce.
Fluffy
likes to buy a huge bag of Idaho potatoes at the big box stores. He
says a bag costs about nine dollars, and there are about twenty huge
potatoes in the bag. Depending on what you put on top of that
potato, you can get between twenty and forty meals out of that
nine-dollar bag.
Fluffy
goes crazy with those potatoes. He puts soup over potatoes. He puts
chili over potatoes. He puts butter and bacon bits over potatoes.
He puts leftover chicken over potatoes. I’ll make mushroom
gravy (a package of sliced mushrooms is two bucks), and he’ll
put that over potatoes. Every meal is different. He never gets
tired of his potato dinners.
You
can get a brace (“brace” means “two”) of
chickens for eight or nine bucks at the big box stores. Don’t
be shy about getting the scrawny ones. The scrawny ones pack as much
flavor as the big ones. If you remove the guts and boil them in
salted water until the bones start to disintegrate (or better yet,
put them in the pressure cooker for about 35 minutes), you’ve
got soup stock fit for kings.
Once
you’ve got soup stock you can do anything. You can make any
kind of soup. You can make chicken and dumplings. You can make
stews. All these things cost next to nothing. If you’re too
lazy to do this, of course, you can start with rotisserie chickens —
but it helps to have the knowledge first.
Fluffy
has turned into an expert baker, and as I’m writing this, he is
making some orange rolls that smell delicious. He can make us two
giant loaves of bread for less than two dollars. This is hearty
bread that sticks to your ribs, and not the store-bought stuff that
is not much more than puffed air. We can use his bread for breakfast
toast, then top it with cheese or mushroom gravy for lunch, and then
finish it off with tuna fish sandwiches for dinner.
We
hear people complain about the cost of feeding their families, but
usually they are people who buy lots of pre-packaged foods that are
expensive and not all that good for you. Yes, they save you time,
but they also take away the sense of accomplishment related to
feeding your family.
The
mother of the woman at the eye doctor’s who let her adult
daughter fill the water glasses and set the table for Thanksgiving
dinner is doing her no favors. If you learn a little bit about food,
you can live the rest of your life without having to rely on
expensive fast-food meals.
God
gave us the most amazing variety of fruits and vegetables. They are
gifts to us as surely as any of the wrapped presents you will find
underneath your Christmas tree this year, if we only know how to use
them. The problem is, they do not come with instruction manuals.
But
with a little bit of ingenuity, we can make meals that are amazingly
delicious and that don’t cost more than a few pennies per
person. That is a skill that is as important as a college degree.
If
you’re a mom, do your sons and daughters a favor and teach them
how to cook. Start at a young age if your kids are still young, but
if your kids are grown up, it isn’t too late to start now.
Make it fun for them. Make it an adventure. After all, that’s
exactly what it is.
Cooking
is an adventure, and the love of cooking is a gift. We feel so
strongly about this that we wrote a book
a few years ago designed for those who are living away from home the
first time. It was a lot of fun to write, and even more fun to get
feedback from those who were given the book and learned to enjoy the
art of cooking by reading it.
Open
that gift. Learn to cook. Learn the love of simple foods. It was a
gift from God. It is
a gift from God that is meant to be cherished, every day.
Kathryn H. Kidd has been writing fiction, nonfiction, and "anything for money" longer than
most of her readers have even been alive. She has something to say on every topic, and the
possibility that her opinions may be dead wrong has never stopped her from expressing them at
every opportunity.
A native of New Orleans, Kathy grew up in Mandeville, Louisiana. She attended Brigham
Young University as a generic Protestant, having left the Episcopal Church when she was eight
because that church didn't believe what she did. She joined The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints as a BYU junior, finally overcoming her natural stubbornness because she
wanted a patriarchal blessing and couldn't get one unless she was a member of the Church. She
was baptized on a Saturday and received her patriarchal blessing two days later.
She married Clark L. Kidd, who appears in her columns as "Fluffy," more than thirty-five
years ago. They are the authors of numerous LDS-related books, the most popular of which is A
Convert's Guide to Mormon Life.
A former managing editor for Meridian Magazine, Kathy moderated a weekly column ("Circle of Sisters") for Meridian until she was derailed by illness in December of 2012. However, her biggest claim to fame is that she co-authored
Lovelock with Orson Scott Card. Lovelock has been translated into Spanish and Polish, which
would be a little more gratifying than it actually is if Kathy had been referred to by her real name
and not "Kathryn Kerr" on the cover of the Polish version.
Kathy has her own website, www.planetkathy.com, where she hopes to get back to writing a weekday blog once she recovers from being dysfunctional. Her entries recount her adventures and misadventures with Fluffy, who heroically
allows himself to be used as fodder for her columns at every possible opportunity.
Kathy spent seven years as a teacher of the Young Women in her ward, until she was recently released. She has not yet gotten used to interacting with the adults, and suspects it may take another seven years. A long-time home teacher with her husband, Clark, they have home taught the same family since 1988. The two of them have been temple workers since 1995, serving in the Washington D.C. Temple.