"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
Here it is the time of
year when a large percentage of the human race sets New Year’s
resolutions. New Year’s resolutions can be tricky. Some people
set lofty goals and later feel guilty because they didn’t
achieve them. Other people avoid the entire guilt trip by not
setting any goals at all.
When it comes to having
mental illness, often times when a person is in a manic state, big
goals are often the forefront. So much so that many doctors and
psychiatric support staff dismiss many goals as being “grandiose.”
In psychiatry, grandiose is defined as “having
an exaggerated belief in one's
importance, sometimes reaching delusional proportions,
and occurring
as a common symptom of mental illnesses,
as manic disorder”.
For example, there have been many people when they are severely
manic who think they are Jesus Christ. That is obviously grandiose.
However, many times psychiatric professionals, friends of those with
a mental illness and even family members may define one person’s
dreams as grandiose and completely unattainable---a mistake I hope
you and I never make. I mean let’s face it, when you have a
loved one who lives in a group home or is a regular “frequent
flier” of the psychiatric hospital, dreams your loved one may
have could most definitely seem grandiose. Perhaps even the idea that
this person could live independently might seem grandiose. This
person’s doctor may have even pulled you aside and told you in
no uncertain terms that living independently is not an option.
Perhaps psychiatric support staff have told you not to encourage your
loved one’s delusional grandiosity. But let me share with you
a little known secret: Not all goals have deadlines. Not all
seemingly impossible goals are impossible.
If the Wright Brothers
believed flight was impossible, they wouldn’t have flown. If
the Egyptians had thought making pyramids were impossible, they would
never have built them. If Thomas Edison had thought that reading at
night with light other than a fire was impossible, he would have
never invented the light bulb. Our ancestors thought talking to a
metal and plastic devise allowing people in another city, state or
country to hear and participate in the conversation was an
impossibility. Today we do it daily, hourly even.
Many people who knew me
from 1998-2010 felt that my dream of graduating with a master’s
degree defined grandiose. I’d just been diagnosed with a
severe mental illness while studying at BYU. In the middle of the
semester I dropped from taking my normal full load of 21 credits to
barely completing a three credit class with a passing grade. It took
me four years of taking classes each semester and through the summer
to squeak through what I would have been able to complete (without
symptoms) in possibly two semesters. No matter how hard it got,
graduating with my bachelor’s degree, to me, was a given. To
my loved ones, I’m sure it was almost grandiose. After I
graduated with my BA, I resolved to better myself and continue my
education. It had always been a goal to get my master’s degree
and although I did not know how on earth I was going to do it, I knew
I would. I told everyone: doctors, counselors, family members, church
leaders, friends and acquaintances. Some people threw it back in my
face as a joke. Some people patiently and lovingly tried to tell me
that I’d set my goals too high and that doing so would only
cause me guilt and anguish. Others quietly supported me, secretly
doubting the feasibility, yet kind enough to keep all doubts to
themselves. During those 14 years I was sick! I was depressed. I
was delusional. I was paranoid. I was catatonic. I was
institutionalized. I was treated with electroshock therapy. I
forgot more than 25 years of my life. At one time I was an editor
for BYU’s Honor’s Publication Lab and edited faculty
papers for the Faculty Editing Service. In 2009 I was reading young
adult literature and looking up more than twenty unfamiliar words on
a page and writing definitions in the margins and in my notebook. I
sat for the Graduate Records Examination in 2010, literally six weeks
after reteaching myself how to subtract double digits. (GRE scores
are utilized by the majority of universities to measure the potential
of prospective students). I scored in the bottom third percentile in
math and the bottom fourth percentile for vocabulary. Gratefully the
Rehabilitation Counseling program at SDSU was more interested in my
potential than in my ability to sit for a test! I was accepted and
began the program three years ago. This May I graduate, proving to
myself I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
For years, I was the
only person standing in my way. As someone with a mental illness,
let me share with you this. Learning coping strategies and
medication management was the hardest part of that journey, getting
my degree is the easiest. There were times when I started to believe
the professionals. I started losing sight of my goals, during which
time, I started losing sight of myself.
I share this with you
in an effort to help you see that with the right support, or even
with a lack of support, you can achieve whatever you put your mind
to. Losing weight, getting an education, learning a new talent,
whatever your new year’s resolution, you can do it! Don’t
listen to the others who say you can’t achieve your goals.
There is enough self doubt to begin with, you don’t need to add
to it by listening to others who simply don’t have the dream.
As with anything worthy of attaining, many will laugh your dreams to
scorn, just like they did with Martin Luther King and Joseph Smith.
Don’t listen. You can do it! I know you can! God knows you
can!
Support your loved ones
(and those with whom you work) in their dreams. Maybe the dream
needs a bit of dissection to create a path of smaller goals leading
to achieving a big dream, but swear to yourself you will never stand
in the way of someone’s goal simply because you can’t see
that dream through their eyes.
Now go! Set those New
Year’s Resolutions! May this coming year be your best one yet!
Sarah Price Hancock, a graduate of San Diego State University's rehabilitation
counseling Masters of Science program with a certificate psychiatric
rehabilitation.
Having embarked on her own journey with a mental health diagnosis, she is
passionate about psychiatric recovery. She enjoys working as a lector
for universities, training upcoming mental health professionals.
Sarah also enjoys sharing insights with peers working to strengthen
their "recovery toolbox." With proper support, Sarah
knows psychiatric recovery isn’t just possible — it’s
probable.
Born and raised in San Diego, California, Sarah served a Spanish-speaking
and ASL mission for the LDS Church in the Texas Dallas Mission. She
was graduated from Ricks College and BYU. Sarah currently resides in
San Diego and inherited four amazing children when she married the
man of her dreams in 2011. She loves writing, public speaking,
ceramics, jewelry-making and kite-flying — not necessarily in
that order.